Expectations

Management of expectations is a road to peace of mind.  Expectations bog us down, even if they are from ourselves but wait when others expect you to be a superwoman and you know you can not be one, Booom! That is when things go haywire, for me.

I left my job in Feb 2021 and decided to learn about newer opportunities from my side. I won't lie if I say that I wanted to spend time with my toddler, who was a victim of my super hectic schedule in the past 3 months. However, I also wanted to take a break to figure out new things in the professional world! 

And Glad I resigned. At mom's, I forced myself to take some rest. I communicated well that I needed a break from the grill. Hence, I was at ease and everyone happily indulged in babysitting Abby. I painted, I read- I read and I read. I watched shows which were on my Playlist for 8-9 months. I worked out. I ate good food (and cooked but the mothership was the menu designer!)

However, coming back to Mumbai where we have to deal with numbers of people and their judgements every day is a combination of a good and a bad thing. Besides coming back to the normal routine, being with Mr ISB (Even when his Work from Homelife does not have a 'Home' in it), seeing Abby enjoying with paternal grandparents- I am Not-Too-Good. 

My identity is now of a Free Bird and hence the expectations are to be at the service of everyone around me.

- 100% Attention to the toddler when at home

- Taking him to gardens around by begging people around to drive us there. I am not comfortable taking a cab in Covid and that too with a jumpy toddler. The pressure of taking him out because he might be bored is insane. And I am a bad mom if I decide to have some time to myself over it.

- I am expected to be social with neighbours with whom I share NOTHING. I am not at all rude, but keeping distance is not a sin. Right? Especially during this second wave of COVID when none of your neighbours wants to wear masks.

- While our cousins constantly push me to continue working for my career upliftment, there are many dear ones who ask me to take a step back for two years to focus on raising a baby. It was shocking for me because these dear ones never said such a thing before. A Baby changes everything, right?

Now comes the part where in I try to really find a solution.

1. Actively upgrade myself and discover what I want to do

2. Do not feel guilty for letting dear ones managing Abby all alone. If they need help, they would ask. Do not take indirect conversations seriously even when you know they are serious.

3. 2-3 Hours for myself. Right now in the day time, I can get barely 15 minutes for myself. This needs to change because once Abby is asleep by 9 pm IST, yours truly only wants to soak in books.

4. Find a Nanny/ A school once the second wave gets weaker.

Expectations are sometimes overwhelming and unmanageable but who gets to survive without handling them?

 

About Life in 2021

2020 was SOMETHING, for everyone right? We have covered some struggles in my older posts but when I forced myself to read blog posts of other bloggers today and reinstalled the blogging tool on my personal laptop-I was compelled to post updates here. * I can not kill my blog because of COVID fatigue!*

I resigned from my oh-so-unkind-and-directionless job in January 2021 and from February 2021, I am a free bird- trying to explore the new direction I want my career to move towards. Albeit, with a bit of break for myself. Against the popular opinion of not taking a sabbatical in between two jobs, here I am being extra kind to myself and Abby. 

I did not come to the conclusion of leaving the job overnight. It was a slow painful process of realizing that I was adding no value (other than earning) to my career and was leaving Abby to grow on his own. It was a lose-lose situation. While I understand that my mother's guilt is here to stay, whether I work or not, I kept on feeling that I deserved a break.  

So here we are.

I am very very relaxed and happy after enjoying a stress-free vacation at mom's (after freaking 13 months of seeing them!) We are back home at Mumbai with a relaxed attitude towards our surroundings. Consciously keeping calm and focusing on exploring new ideas and teaching Abby some new skills, growing his vocabulary and ah, so frustrating Potty Training. Not mentioning the mess he makes but believe me, this age is the MOST FUN age of a toddler and I am happy I can enjoy it. 

Mr ISB has been keeping busy, neck-deep in his work and barely moving his bums from the chair but Abby does help him to do 20 minutes of active workout, by making Mr ISB chase him in different gardens we take him to. I wish he strikes enjoyable work and better health soon.

Coming back to Mumbai has given me some time to spend with myself, thanks to our apartment design. For some reasons, Abby does not get up every 15 minutes if he does not find me beside me. The room is almost soundproof and that helps! I can finally open my laptop and do some solid work for a stretch of 15-20 minutes!

How have you been???