Q for Quid Pro Quo

Nothing describes my life better than this, these days.

As much as I was waiting for my stay in Ahmedabad, I myself have jinxed it. (Okay, let me again be the rationale personal I am generally) but then I have to convince myself that, I am getting it and I am paying for it. Okay, Read- My mom is paying for it.

Just after two days I arrived home in Ahmedabad, my mom slipped on the wet floor.

Fortunately, it is not a fracture but a compression fracture; Unfortunately, she is not able to walk right now at all, for a month. Now in a few days she would be able to walk using a walker.

Fortunately, she only needed a minimally invasive surgery to fit a small screw to align the bone below the knee. Unfortunately, we are yet to pass those fifteen days when the pain will finally subside.

Fortunately, all the staff members - maids, cooks and helpers are trained so I can not complain that I am not getting time to rest or not being pampered. Unfortunately, I have so much of rest here that I begin to think without this mishap how it would have been.

Fortunately, my dad is here and the doctor's opinion for me to increase my weight, has been taken seriously. Unfortunately, my mom has taken it to her to curate a menu for me and I feel over fed at times! Oh yes, she controls the entire household even today.

Fortunately, I have a whole lot of time to paint- blog- read and I am taking one step at a time to accomplish everything slowly. Unfortunately, our shopping plans are in the dustbin, plus I have to see my mom in tears due to pain many times a day.

Fortunately, I am daily meeting my Masis, Mamas and Fais like never before. Unfortunately, if my mom was active enough we would have enjoyed more.

I guess, it is a race against time when in two months from today I would be totally a focus of everyone's attention. My mom is looking forward to the time. So, is my dad and every one else. However, my focus will be my mom. I do not want her to miss anything after the day and I know it is too early to even do the wishful thinking that she would be able to enjoy those days.

Currently, I am getting something precious- a lot of time with my family, relatives, in my home town with time to do whatever I always wanted to do. I am losing something- my mom's active days exactly for the tenure I am getting this privilege.

Quid Pro Quo. Life is like that.

As my eldest Fai says, : This is what we have, lets make a big deal out of it.

Say A little Prayer For My Mom's Recovery?

P for Pit Stops

Technically, Pit stop in racing industry is a stop where the car stops for refueling. And non-technically, it is a place where you refresh yourself from the long grilling routine or challenging life.

Every body should have one such pit stop, if not many. That pit stop can be a place, an activity, company of a friend/friends. Ah, sometimes food (Read: Adarakhwali Chai), and sometimes that much needed vacation.

In the grueling time I passed in last two months due to office stress, fatigue (which is not to the level where we have to worry about it), work load where there is an obligation to participate, lack of help- I knew shifting to Ahmedabad would bring me a 'Pit Stop' feeling. Life has its own twists, but 90% of those expectations are being fulfilled and I am very grateful about the same.

Not worrying about phone calls, messages of subordinates, ever demanding team mates, constantly increasing to-do-list, domestic work, reaching office on time, preparing for the function, fighting myths constantly (because yours truly is too scientific and stubborn at times) , post function fatigue which took almost 4 days to subside- life is different here.

In the morning, while I am forced to sleep till 8 am - Dad makes our Adarakhwali Chai with properly planned Chai Breakfast designed by mom. We all have tea together. Then, we wait for all the help to come on time and I walk for around 30 minutes followed by some stretches. I have plenty of time then to, work/read and blog (from which I had taken a break sadly). Some or the other Masis or Fai appears to spend time with mom and me. We are served hot home made snacks as a meal before lunch as well. While, I am practically pampered to bits - I am also trying to get into more reading as that one thing I had skipped completely when in Mumbai, in last five months. I keep myself active in managing the household like a team leader, however my mom is a super boss hence not many things are 

I am not missing one part of the Mumbai life, as of now, except of course Mr.ISB. I am sure once this initial euphoria will be over, I would crave for normalcy to come back. However, Ahmedabad does not feel like a Pit Stop.

It feels like many pit stops being enjoyed at a time.

Do you have your pit stop?

O for Oven Story

My 'tasty' story with Oven (And not microwave) started in my childhood, because my food lover Dad had already bought it just a year after my birth.

I remember, how on every birthday my mom and dad would make a not-so-fancy but tastiest cakes for me and my brother. Now, Ahmedabad back in 1990s was not exactly a paradise for egg-less cakes and this pre-term baby of theirs could not digest every type of food till she was ten, now when I think of how we were given home baked goodies, well before it got fancier than buying store sold stuff- I know, I was one of the very few fortunate kids in India.

After my marriage, I was gifted an oven and I was also under an influence of a few bloggers who would bake breads, veggies, cakes and what not. Needless to say, those nine months were the tastiest for our taste buds.

However, oven for me was never a symbol of only amazing food but also a lot more.

An oven is a representation of cook your own food philosophy. I do not like cooking when I have to do it as a chore. I do not like it when I am pushed to use x or y material only, for days together. However, just like my dad I have, let-me-cook-my-food genes for sure. Hence, an oven is an amazing tool for me to be self sufficient in health and taste department.

An oven is a symbol of creativity for me. I used to love browsing through all the recipe books we had at home in my childhood. My dad's insane experiments in baking Baati of Daal Baati, grilling Khakhra Pizza, Baking real pizzas at home when Ahmedabad did not know the taste of traditional pizzas, baking cakes with Games on the cake etc were my favorite relationship building tool. (He had once also tried to dry a wet napkin in oven on pre-heat mode!!) My mom, silently made traditional recipes but together, they made using Oven real creative for me, as a kid!

An oven , for me is a sign of Gender Neutrality. My Dad would always and always take the initiative in using it, trying to cook healthier recipes. And, I can not give less credit to my husband who learnt to grill the veggies- looking at which I always drool. Oven, makes a relationship more and more lovable for me.

I, since last couple years could not use oven much. I used it seldom even just as a responsibility. I really wish now when I have taken a break from the job, I would be pushing my little 'Oven Story' further.

Wish me luck!!

N for Nail-Paints or Nightmares

This word, 'Nail Paint' from the cosmetic words when comes out of me, for discussion, sends shock waves to the outer world. Let me explain.

I have been brought up by a father who believed that that nail paints are hazardous to health if they end up in your stomach while eating (due to it getting peeled off) hence, if you apply it on right hand and he sees it - you would get a threatening stare. My mom does not use any cosmetics/ does not know how to use, hence their marriage did not get affected by it. (I mean, imagine my dad having a cosmetic lover wife!)

Now their first born who happens to be yours truly, also got more or less father-like gene (my mother's beliefs, not mine!) when it comes to cosmetics. In my entire childhood, I do not remember I would have applied nail paints or lipsticks for more than two times. And my childhood I mean first 18 years! Lack of interest, Lack of exposure to cosmetics or blind trust in the family which is 70% made of doctors.

Once I was out of my hometown for the first ever job at the age of 23, my mother secretly wished that somebody would come in my life and inspire me to use cosmetics or would teach me to keep myself 'groomed'. Eventually, I tried Kajals, Lipsticks and for a couple of times- even a highlighter but then I hit my 28th year and wisdom arrived that I can not handle these stuff beyond a limit and should stick to lipsticks to look dressed up. I also was okay with being imperfect.I also realized that applying make up is not going to be my forte ever. And so, in a function where I was in the lime light apart from another soul last week, this is what happened...

Cousin S : " You are not applying Henna, Make up- you demand is non existent, Please apply Nail Paint"

Yours truly: "Oh no, please. I don't want to eat the paint!"

My Mother-in-law *anyway displeased with this Gold-hater, Makeup-hater, Over-Simple-For-Mumbai-Standards attitude of mine* : "Apply it, Remove it the next day and eat with spoons!"

I, succumbing to the cornering done- chose the lightest natural nail paint color to apply...

***

After the function was over, while collapsing on the bed with fatigue, I dozed off for some fifteen minutes...

Suddenly when I opened my eyes and looked at my nails!! I freaked out!!

I thought my hands were replaced. They looked like hands of a witch. I almost screamed! Obviously I realized,

It was A NIGHTMARE!!

Nail paints can cause Nightmares!! Please note.

M for Meet & Greet

I have sort of, forced myself to make something up from 'M',which resembles social gathering. (No, I am not keen to meet every one who are a part of my world!)

I am a fan of conversation over food. If it is a house party, I might be in a flow. Now, most of the friends who are reading this would roll their eyes because I have not thrown any such house parties which I claim to be in love with. Believe me, it is like Mirabai fancy-ing a date with Krishna. Virtual but not happening till the Happily-Ever-After-End.

However, my love for Gupshup over Chai or Dinner is everything. I am not sure from where I have picked this love, but I suspect it is my M Fai. I have fancied being her for a long time now. The way she carries her self, does not give up, the way she manages her career, the way she shops for brass vintage stuff for her garden and show case, wears sarees with utmost grace and ooof, Silver Jewelry. She is a collector! (Not a hoarder!) She has been inviting us over her place for decades now and while we do the same- her style is something very unique I feel. Apart from her, I have my US Kaka and Kaki doing it for a while, I do envy their guests because I am yet to visit them in US.

I know, this dream of even starting to arrange small meets at my place is not going to be a reality for some months or may be years, I really want to tell you all- How the Meet & Greet parties would be at my home!

- Crockery. I so want to buy crockery with stories. Stories of art, painting or even the place I would pick the set from. And those sets wont be residing in the cupboard forever, because, I hate them when they are never used and are show-cased in the glass cupboard for years without being used. I would make sure my guests feel my love for crockery when I would serve food and drinks in them.

- Rugs and Table Runners. Table Mats and Napkins. I can not really buy any of them at this point of time as no one appreciates the extra oomph they add to the decor.

- Food and Drink. I love cooking or I should say, I used to. I remember hosting a friend in Pune and how much I had enjoyed making Indian dishes as per his choice- Palak Paneer, Lachcha Paratha and Gajar Ka Halwa. There were not many dishes but every one hogged on till we hit the bottom of the pan. I would some day serve my guests Ravioli and Stir fry cooked by yours truly, along with some wine. And if I can make some mean dessert, wow!

-Plants in Big Planters. Bang inside the hall. Believe me, they would be partying with us as well. I can not imagine my life without plants. ( I am not kidding, my heart sank and I cried so much when I had to throw away some plants and Mitti garden decor a week back, in preparation for going to Ahmedabad. It was depressing) I am happy that in Ahmedabad, I will be actively participating in keeping greens alive in summers with my dad. How do kids grow without plants around in big cities? No idea!

- Sarees and Pearls: Oh yes, I love the strings of pearls I have and I have a dream that I flaunt them in parties hosted by us. If I can flaunt sarees with them- oh that would be a dream come true. More than that, may be.

And let me give you who all I want to host in these Meet & Greets I am planning so passionately. My fai (needless to say), Mr.ISB's ISB friends and school buddies, My soon to be ex-directors, my best of best friends who are hardly in the city together and of course, Kaka Kaki from US.

Tall Order?

L for Loner

I know some amazing people who are loners. These are the people who are kind at heart, understanding and composed but they like to be with themselves more than being with people all the time. I never understood them before, now when I have completed my 30th year in life- I don't only understand them but respect them for what they are.

Mind well, a loner is not a rude person most of the times, but an introvert person or someone who is selective in making friends or someone who likes solitude more than social life. Hence, when I met this man who was/is otherwise a loner but had become my best friend- I had decided to marry him and married him too - Mr.ISB, who is a monk, almost Shiv as my mother calls him, an excellent husband when we don't fight. I did not respect him so much which I do now. (Major part of the respect comes from the fact that he manages me well, the one who is so strong on ethics and gender neutrality but equally messed up in standing up for myself)

Yesterday, while having a peaceful dinner amidst all the hormones in my body creating havoc, I suddenly remembered a Whatsapp conversation I had with his friend in the morning. Another crazy who is more introvert than me, but as sorted as Mr.ISB and his very good friend!- Lets call him Friend A.

***

Friend A: Yo, Happy Birthday!!

Bubblegum: Thank you!! I was about to remind you that it is my birthday! Hahaha.

Friend A: Hahahaha. What is the plan after a big social function you had yesterday?

Bubblegum: Plan is to avoid social life for a while. There is no other plan. Mr.ISB can get detached from things being a loner I respect! I need sometime to recover from the overwhelming social situation we had.

Friend A: Let me tell you, we all aim to be like Mr.ISB in some or the other way. He has many virtues which can bring peace to us if we can have them!

Bubblegum: Can not agree more but for people like me and you it is a very very difficult goal to achieve.

Friend A: Agreed!!!

***

This conversation is carved in my mind.
My goal is to be a loner like Mr.ISB who can stand up to be in solitude without any fuss! 
And it is not only me who thinks so.

K for Knotty Feelings

Oh yes, it is word play. Pun for you, no Fun for me! Hah.

Knotty Feelings
Entangled thoughts
Caged Life..

Life was throwing lemons before
I kept on catching them
Eyes felt High Tide..

Eyes wearing a mask
So has the face, Nobody knows
How much I Cried

Here is to the changing life
Rekindled Spirit
Will it happen? Might!

Counting my blessings
Piled up baggage
I'm sure it is a positive Sign.

J for Jimmy Choo

Oh no, let me start before you assume that I am a big fan of the brand.

April is my birthday month. This year in addition to this, we have a function - a move and many other changes coming in. So, to make it cheerful for me- Mr.ISB decided to gift me something really expensive. A frugal soul like me, can not select anything for myself in such a range, but I tried and I am still trying.

Last night, I was doing the Bag hunting online, got a good deal and I told him,
"See, you can gift me this bag (trying to get his attention.. ) but it is expensive."

He has razor sharp focus so, he did not bother to change the direction of his sight. He infact said..
"How much? I would only look at if it is Jimmy Choo!" Knowing the frugal wife he has..

I swear, I cracked up at the moment. I said,
"Jimmy Choo? What? They dont make bags! They make shoes!"

He shrugged his shoulder with a ready answer,
"Mujhe Kya Pata!"

Today,

I was browsing through, to kill time as I had to wait to start a call in the office...

I just randomly searched 'Jimmy Choo Bags'....

...And I found this...




:O

Yes, Jimmy Choo makes bags! ...

"Mujhe Kya Pata!!"

I for I

No, I was not running out of ideas to write on this letter 'I'. However, lately this 30 years old little stupid lady has realized the value of 'I'.

What 'I' want in life,  How 'I' want to take my work forward? How 'I' want to manage my life. Believe me, when you go through a mountain of changes in physiological , psychological and cultural shifts within and around,... and you forget what about the very special 'I'- you are bound to go through hell. I went through a type of metamorphosis too and I believe, it is still going on.

I have realized, to keep my sanity in check- first I need to know what I want. Then I have to decide if my conscious is right. I have to train myself to stand up to what I believe in- what I want and fight for it using various tactics. Sometimes, it is okay to let go but too much of it would end up creating pressure on you to be a good person. The problem is not in being a good person, the problem is that, 'Good' and 'Bad' are perspectives.

I wanted to take this chance, to clearly write down basics.

I want a life where I can follow my faith and beliefs. While I do not want to upset any elderly person in my life- I also do not want to waste twenty years of my life, following someone else's faith.

I want to fly high in my career for various reasons, however I can see some bottlenecks for a few years. Do I want to succumb to them? No.

I want to really spend two vacations in a year with Mr.ISB.  Under current scene, work and home fronts - both are challenging. It is not going to be easy too. Lets see!

I do not want to argue with any one, unless I see that there is even a tiny bit of chance in the other side to change. I am so done with it. However, I would stick to my guns with stronger words and plans when I am in a better position to go through the drill.

I do not want to work to entertain myself. Not that I did ever, however my ambition are clearer and higher than ever. God Bless others!

I want to develop my sense of style, which is simple. I do not want to EVER succumb to the pressure of how others perceive what 'Style' is. I wish I can always tell this to myself.

I am going to stay away from problems of people who are eternally confused and change their decisions every now and then. While it does not mean that I am going to stop being social or helpful, I do not want to go deep. I have burnt my fingers already.

I want to take care of my health.

I want to take care of Mr.ISB's health. (Somebody is rolling his eyes!)

I want to spend good time with my parent and witness my brother's career taking shape.

I want to, for once, live life ignoring everything else which is not what 'I' want. Without being stressed about what 'Other' are thinking about me.

H for Habit

Habits are my favorite tools to bring discipline in my life (And ah, others' too!)

I have been reading a lot about how to form a habit, the principles of 21 days etc however, I wont say any trick was ever 100% successful. (and I got bored to explore more!)  I do believe that 'The Power of Habit' has the best method to form a habit. But, this post is not on forming habits.

This is about that one process you follow in the office as a part of your work to do analysis and you get so so habitual of the process that any other process fails to get through your mind. Your mind refuses to pluck data points and process. (Ah, nerdy I know!)

Let me explain, what exactly I tried writing in the above statement.

I analyse data related to my field. A lot of data. Hence, Excel is one of the skill set which I happened to master or so I believe, in last some years of my professional life. (Oh, Do not start Data Science debate. Our startup is yet to get into the field and the scale of data we should have for it)

In Excel, there are certain features I just happen to use like brushing my teeth. In a very subconscious way... Sanitize data, put filters, see patterns, insert pivot tables, try to decipher patterns and counts using suitable formats. Bamm, I got what you wanted. My mind registers the data points and now, I can decide the area of action.

This procedure is the most basic one and now after so many years of using this on daily basis- my mind now refuses to register anything, in any other format.

... And this realization happened today.

While making a to-do list on a piece of paper for the upcoming function at home we are hosting, I realized my mind is going numb. I opened the excel. Started typing down. I inserted a pivot table which gave me a picture on who has to do what and by which date. My mind digested everything and I was at peace.

Here is the screen shot of what I did. (Albeit, to protect our prestige I have hide some parts of it.)

I know, for a normal person it looks ugly and weird. However, this is the habit I have picked up to organize my life.

Subconsciously!

I am not complaining!

G or Gyan

Circa 2011:

I was just promoted to be an Assistant Manager with many others that year after a year and half training after college and which meant, I had to go through process training of the department I had worked for. While I accept that my college days were not hippie and cool like most of others (Yes, I was a boring person then too- who preferred books over partying!) , I and none of my batch mates were prepared for what was about to happen.

The training session. A freaking five hours long training session to make us understand 'Processes' as per defined by the company.

A formally dressed person entered the training hall, started with a presentation with boring small fonts on the big presentation screen. Every fresh mind sitting in the hall, I remember struggled for half and hour to understand the text and his explanation on whatever processes he was trying to explain.

In one hour, we all were tired and sleepy. Bored.

We could just gulped nth number coffee 'peg' as we called it,  after 2.5 hours. (It was a survival technique every batch eventually found out organically.)

I precisely remember, the training session ended (to our relief) after 4 and a half hours with whispers like,

"Kitna Gyan Denge Yar Yeh Company Mein!"


Today:

(I Promise I have not made this up)

My director asked me to explain to our new hires, the Process Document which was put together by a junior of mine, under yours-truly's mentor-ship, approved by the same director. I had dreaded the making time of this document- I personally had tried to put all the knowledge in the document but the director comes from a consultancy background which typically focuses on a presentation more than the mind being put behind it. Hence, we had spent double the time in formatting the same.

However, because we all had made these processes for our tiny startup and kept on iterating it over a period of four years- I guess, I suddenly realized this is 'My work'! I am quite proud of this piece of my work, even when our operations team adheres to it only up to 65% when it comes to implementation. I would also take some credits that important strategies are being built around some sections of this document even today. Oh, well I digressed.

Coming back to the documents I had opened on the presentation screen, on the request of the director.

I looked at the new hires who would be collectively doing my work from the next month. I felt like wire transferring my experience to them. Intentions were set.

I started with explaining every tiny step in the start up we had taken and how we had defined processes based on it.

I kept on going on and on, ripping apart every line. I was in a state of flow.

I had tried to kept it fun. Presentation was simple. There were stories related to every decision we had made..... And it came to the last line. My director looked happy and so was I. We ended the meeting.

And I over heard, "Bapre kitna Gyan ho gaya aaj!" What did you think I felt? Well, I smirked and the director smirked too.

This is called climbing the corporate ladder, may be!

F for Fights

I'm someone who believes, fights are immensely important for relationships. Specially, if taken for constructive building of the foundation of the relationship.

Fights help to understand each other.
Fights help to find flaws in one other.
Fights make you understand someone's perspective. Sometimes later but still they do.
Fights we are talking about should end within a stipulated time frame.
Fights if ends with you losing grudges, makes relationships stronger.
Fights can remove biases too.

However, fights which are spiral in nature, can really really hamper peace of mind. Someone who thinks fights are negative, they might not move on faster. Fights with silent treatments are as bad as sufferings within.

These are my thoughts on fights and this is how I fight with my own people. I find them incredible stepping stones, even if some are fierce in nature. If you get a 'fighter' who is as positive as you are about fights, nothing like it. However if you are a constructive 'Fighter' and the other person is someone who thinks fights are just a negative thing- who think a fight spreads bad vibes- things can go complicated.

What kind of a fighter are you?

Can you let it go in a couple of hours? or a night? or three to four days?
Do you Really try to let biases and grudges go afterwards?
Do you go back to your caring self?
Do you 'Feel' it for the one you fought with?
Do you just vent out and let it go?

E for Europe

Just when I was done talking about Day Dreaming I indulge into, I decided to write about Europe.

When you are done with Indian society, you are messed up with baggage of relations you carry which are not even important to you in daily life, you are tired, you are done with pollution and people's carelessness about it, you are fed up of office places where six days work week is a norm and they also cancel that one public holiday appearing on Saturday. You so want to write about Europe. Deep down you know, even a vacation plan can not be a reality for months together. But, that is the reason you want to feel 'Europe'.

Europe is the place where you can breath while working. Most of the time. You can live, to really live. You may not live for work. You can have a few hours to spend on your own self or your family on daily basis. You can walk for hours and do not worry about air you are inhaling. You do not need a car or a cab driver. You have trains with some place to stand properly. You have those market place cafes or river side cafes to give you a bottle of wine or a cup of coffee- whatever you like.

If you are on a vacation, you can just walk around places where some or the other thing would remind you of history. You would indulge yourself in the quality food which wont make you bloat. You would think, what if this is how life looks like in here.

If you are an Everything-Beautiful fan, your eyes would be full with flowers, flower pots, nicely done homes, balconies, or even vintage vehicles and carts.

If it is winter, I assume things would be little harsh. Little colder than your expectation always.

But then, you will have a cup of hot chocolate. Drool worthy chocolates. Over coats to flaunt. Boots to wear. Christmas to celebrate. A real mood to cook, cooking out of passion. Not out of compulsion.

You will have Denmark, Iceland, Croatia to explore the never taught history and beauty. Italy (Oh, I can go there again and again!) and France to enjoy the Rivera. Spain to have sun tan and colors together. Greece to feel 'Blue', not negatively this time.

If you are free, if you do not have commitments, if you have money. Please take this suggestion for free.

Plan to live Europe, for ten days.

PS: It is not a sponsored post. I promise.

D for Dreams, Ah Day Dreams

When Martin Luther King had declared that, he has a dream..A few of my ancestor were surely laughing. Because after years, they got this daughter in the family who would just replace this powerful word called 'Dream' into 'Day Dream', more than often. (Or most of the times!)

Day dreaming, for me is passion. Most of my realized dreams are generally small numbers of conversions I made in life. Conversion of a day dream into a dream into the reality,but I am not going to talk about the minority of them. I am going to talk about this passion and the zillions of day dreams I have in my eyes for next few years. (Oh yes, if D is for Day dreams- I is for Inertia!)

-Home Decor: I wish I can create my own space in my hall and bedroom- in my own style. The issue is my taste is very different than most of the members of the family. And my husband can live out of a hut and WiFi connection too. Hence, I succumb to day dreaming before taking any action in going towards the implementation. How I wish I can convert those pending projects like making curtains from sarees, buying a slick teak wood study table, designing book cabinets with glass doors, using wood stain gel to color the furniture etc into reality. As of now they are a big chunk of my day dreaming mood.

-DIYs: Don't even think about asking, why I have stopped doing anything about them and have added into my day dreaming session. Fatigue. I am so so tired by evening to I even touch my craft goods. I am not able to even think about a project in detail. I am only day dreaming about putting colored tiles with white cement on those n numbers of wine bottles for my garden.

-Stitching/Knitting: I dream about starting with them. Stitching is out of question in Mumbai as the sewing machine is at home in Ahmedabad. Hence, I should some day not only day dream but really work on stitching part now when I would spend some months there. Knitting is something, which needs a lot of patience to even day dream! However inertia in day dreaming is easy to recover from. Khi Khi Khi...

-Data Science Basic Course: Needless to day, I only day dream about applications of such a serious topic and never start hands on with the course. I every day decide to start with the first course, just to be able to day-dream about implementing the new learnt stuff in practical use. Some day.

-Vacations: Now, this has been a never ending day dream. The pending list to visit places never ends. Hence, day dreaming on this has been more than for anything else in terms of frequency and intensity. List has zillions of places apart from US of A, Iceland, UK , Scotland, Greece, Jakarta etc. Oh well, reality is that we are in a situation where we can not even think about vacations in next one or two years.

And so, while every other current day dreams of yours truly can be converted into reality if I fight through my inertia, for a while this 'useless self ' might like to switch ON the last one- till we make the vacation happen.

And.. If you shrug your shoulder on reading this and never day dream..

"Apke Charan Kahan Hai?"

C for Clutter

I have got 50% genes of my mom who is an OCD patient, who claims to have recouped from the so called lifestyle disorder. (We both kids disagree!)

*Oh yes, my brother protested many times in our childhood singing 'Ma Sehat Ke liye, tu to Hanikarak Hai' Before the Bapu Version was launched a few years back as a hit song in the movie Dangal.*

By no means, my mom puts me in her Respectable and Clean (Sterile & Organized) Individuals book which has some insane rules like- 'While taking out the tissue paper from the roll, one must put the cut in a straight line if perforation does not work.' , 'The edge of the coffee table (or any furniture) has to be parallel to the edges of the tiles' (Okay, I have this problem too!), 'Kitchen should be very very very clean which can be achieved by just using your right hand to cook. Left hand is only for cleaning the mess and lifting jars' 

Believe me, I am 90% stickler to such rules but I am not there in mom's Good Books yet.
However, my husband who is exactly the polar opposite of my mom, puts me into the category of 'OCD affected' people anyway. I believe, living with 23 room-mates in ten years and 23rd being my husband himself- I am no more an OCD patient as I have successfully developed survival remedies. But, my husband and some of the office interns disagree. (Karma!)

Now, if you ask me honestly clutter turns me off. It sometimes sparks anger and frustration too.

Those coins on the bed or hiding in the corner of the room, Oil Stains on the grill with piles of used towels on them (thanks to the existence of the massage oil bottles there), No mosquito/dust grill on windows in Mumbai homes, Unfolded blankets on the bed, Dirty bedsheets & curtains, Hidden clutter under the table or tucked away behind the TV screen, Oil used for frying stuff happily residing in the same pot for days, Old jars almost cultivating weird creatures in the fridge, All those things which are never going to be Marie Kondo-ed by other members of the family. Let me stop here now.

***

How do I manage many turn offs every single day or at-least thrive to do, because I live with three more people who have different personalities?

1. Ignore & Clear the clutter as much as you can.

2. Delegate cleaning and de-cluttering to your partner. A side note: Sharing responsibilities lead to better married life (Or a Fight, if the delegation goes unsuccessful. Wait, Fights are good too!)

3. If I am tired, I crib and divert my mind.

4. By no means, I take de-cluttering as only my job.

5. If there are other members than your partner I feel, are propagating clutter just because of their life style and habits, I clear my territory. Crib about it and let it go.

These 'remedies' work to some extent and sometimes I feel sad that my home suffers because of all five of them I force myself to follow silently, However such is life.

But, this is the limit upto which I can adjust. (Mostly)

One more person creating mess enters in my life.... Oh well....

What if the future kid someday turns out to be like all of them???

:o

Or, what if the kid turns out to be like my mom??? 

:o

Should I be happy or not???

B for Bag Hunt

Females and their bags- this combination is deadlier than an arranged marriage set up to match a bride and a groom. Expectations from a bag sometimes exceed than expectations from a husband, for me. However, when it comes to bags, we have the liberty of scrapping them even if they are Michael Kors. *Joke Over* *It was only a joke!*

I, generally take forever to select a bag for myself. Reasons are many, I like my bag to sustain at least 2-3 years. Also, I do not like to change my bags too often. Not even as per occasions, unless I am wearing something jazzy and ethnic.That is my fail safe method. No change of bags, no mishaps like forgetting something - most of the times wallets or ID Cards, getting habitual of the product, if the bag is chic enough it never looks bad. Mostly I use my bag as a laptop bag too- so at most what I have to do in the evenings or while going for dinners is just to remove the laptop and voila! I am ready.

*Eye-rolls expected from many ladies who feel that dinner bags have to be tiny, to even accommodate a wallet and then use pockets of their partners to put something you bought* *My eyes are rolling now*

And so last week, when my husband noticed that almost torn shoulder strap of my favorite Vegan Leather bag, I freaked out deep down my heart. (No, I am not a Vegan person but I had just liked the simplicity of the bag when I had bought it. Others found it little boring but that happens to almost all the choices I make in fashion department!) Believe me, finding an appropriate bag online and ordering is not as simple as it seems for yours truly and so the realization that the time has arrived to start selecting a new bag- I found myself really nervous.

Now to achieve this complicated goal, the bag selection over Google has started. Proud to tell you guys, I have not made up my mind yet. (*Sarcastic Drum Rolls*) First, the only colors I accept for bags are Tan and Black only. Second, it has to have a zip. Third, it should fit my laptop. Fourth, it should look classy and formal. Fifth, it can not be a bag pack type. Sixth. It should not be too expensive because, hey the startup I have been working for is not raising funds any time soon. I mean, I can go on and on. (Sixth point will get eye rolls from my husband!)

Ah.....

If the comparison of this process with the arranged marriage set up is fair, I am so so lucky to have Mr.ISB in my life that I never had to look at anyone else with so many requirements in my mind from a relationship. (Even when my husband continues being unfair to me while rolling his eyes at my I-am-not-buying-that-expensive-branded-bag outlook in life, I do not deviate from this feeling)

Anyway, I assume love-after-six-conversations may not happen for bags, which happened with me while selecting a husband for myself!

:/

Why, Not, Why?

A for Anxiety

No, I do not mean to start April with this negative word. I would rather put this post as a result of introspection. Sometimes, in life you reach a junction when you feel blessed and anxious both - for decisions you have taken so far, even when you are seemingly doing just fine. Knowing what makes you anxious, is one step towards resolving the situation. At least, that is what I believe.

I also believe, I am personally not afraid of anything in the world but there are a few things which make me panic like nothing else. At the age of 30, I have figure out what are they. I might succumb to them or float around, I just want to some day come back to this post and happily note the progress. Here we go..

People I love, not feeling well: This includes even friends and family both. I sometimes can not stop thinking about them if they are not well and if I come to know about it. People have stopped informing me if there is some minor thing bothering their health, but that makes me even more depressed. From a person who as a kid, took decisions in the time of crisis with utmost maturity when accidents happened with her maternal and paternal grandparents- this is unexpected. I am trying to fight such anxieties, by focusing on helping them as well as diverting my mind towards other things which matter as well. With age we ought to accept that such fall backs are going to happen.

Social Rituals & Traditions: I like traditions, however ones with baggage are something I escape from. Specially, where society is unfair. Where comparisons happen. Where gifts are exchanged as a part of tradition and not by love. Expectations are set without any logic. I despise them and to some extent now I am tired of trying to change them. It also affects the relationships you want to cherish forever. Sadly, India seems like the last country ever changing on that front.

Not Being Able To Perform Well Professionally: Or feeling helpless about it. Nothing is scarier when it comes to my professional. I have made certain decisions in my life which kept me and people around me happy for quite some time, in every aspect. However, not going out of the comfort zone for various reasons when the time was right, has resulted in a situation where I am constantly afraid of not doing well in my career. If I conquer this, I know in my heart that I would fulfill my dreams one day. Sooner or Later.

Religious Stubbornness:  The biggest ever anxiety trigger. Coming from a family, hardly religious, this war with religious stubbornness is more than disturbing for me in the adulthood. Specially when you are asked to follow certain religious tasks subtly but with enough intensity. A person like me, who is scared of hurting people would let it pile up and vent it out on incorrect people. Every single time. But what is the root cause? Religious people who enforce their beliefs just because society performed some sort of blood transfusion to convert you post 25. I also understand it is my own stubbornness of not converting my live-life-as-per-your-rules belief into somebody else's belief, which creates anxiety. However, I do not think I can find a way to feel peace and keep people happy together.

Oh well, now when I have typed enough on 'Anxiety', I know a temporary medicine to relieve myself. Blogging about the trigger. Even if it is short lived.

It just makes me realize that spoiling peace of mind with the anxious cloud hovering around, is not worth it for any of the reasons above.

Can we learn to ignore all of them, Please?