July 30, 2015

Home away from Home - Work

Yeah. It is like a home for me. It is no more a place from where I try to escape every single day, like I used to do at my old office.

This small new office has a big conference table, some laptops and some chairs with air conditioned atmosphere as only capital assets. The biggest asset though is our team and our relationships. We are blessed with two good partners who are more like mentors elderly mentors cum friends cum fatherly figures of average age of forty. We three permanent kids keep on harassing them, some times work and some times they harass us.

In those morning hours when my mind is messed up with basic philosophies of life which I want to choose vs I am being asked to (or I feel so)- I get to breath in the office even after taking up a load of jobs to be done. As soon as I enter the office, the cleaning lady asks people to go out. Exactly the moment when one of us becomes the target of the first session of leg pulling. The day kicks off.

We have found our own frequency to work. We all get high on tea hot water. Two mentors (whom we conveniently refuse to call bosses or owners) prefer to be sober on green tea as well,while rest of us prefer traditional tea with lots of ginger which we procure from cafeteria once in a day. Well, I am a sucker for tea breaks but no more. I love having tea, working along with every sip I take and not to forget - chitchatting with my team.

When I am working in the office  positive vibes of this place make me take a detour from my problems if I am messed up. Sudden rush of energy flows in my body with each and every idea we create. I feel at my best when I zone out with the work for moments together. The kind of energy we resonate for each other, is a spiritual experience and not even a joke.

I sometimes feel like pinching myself to check if it is a dream to work at such a place. Of course I feel like punching others when we lose our frequency of working but nonetheless come across as one team after initial struggle.

Time flies when I am at  office. I have to really keep a tab on the clock so as to reach home before dinner time. Of course there are some days (Read: days with cold) when the air conditioned air kills me even after hiding myself away from the AC panels and covering myself with a good warm cardigan in Mumbai, I sneeze thousand times an hour. Those days make me reach home earlier than ever. Exception is always Mr.ISB, stealing time from work happens only when he is in the town.

With rough prototypes floating on the table, cords and cables of every team member getting tangled, snack boxes full of home made healthy food, mugs full of hot water and high mood I always feel, messier office make beautiful sites. May be just to Instagram?

Well some other day! :)

July 27, 2015

For the one who ignited minds!

The girl's tiny hands were moving on a drawing board with the crisp flipping noise generated by pages of the book kept beside which read the title 'Wings Of Fire'. There was something about this book which her sparkling eyes were resonating while reading.

Later on, her room was filled with hand painted missile poster. She was too young to design the real missile. So she made sure that each angle and each curve to be drafted should be precise enough to impress an engineer. Her artisitc friend was amused at her habit of drawing with drafters.

So was the author's influence that her interest in technical subjects had built up quite a lot. Her curious nature made her read about designs of ammunition and arms, missiles, war strategies and history.

She finished her Mechanical Engineering a few years later with the spirit that author created in her mind. She witnessed the spiritual side of science taught by the author. She witnessed the presidential term of this great man in her teenage too. She was not alone, there were many youngsters getting groomed under his influence.

Yesterday while coming back home, she heard about the demise of that very Author, Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.

She time- traveled back in past,she went back to her ambitions, her sense of spirituality and patriotism kicked in the endorphin for a few minutes. Just to realize that an era for engineering development, an era of linking science and spirituality in India, an era of building weapons to keep nation safe, an era of building power to be respected by powerful nations is over.

The little girl who read the book and became an engineer is me. The great visionary, the former president, the scientist, the spiritual soul and the kind teacher of Indian kids  is no more.

The same era and the aura might not come back, ever.

A weekend that vanished, again

One weird virtue (?) of this new startup is I  have to work on Saturdays. Some times I can just wrap up in a couple of hours or I have to stretch for the whole day. Nothing is compulsory but as the launching is approaching with new deals getting signed, keeping up the pace is the only objective. The world of startups made me realize time can fly faster than the sonic speed

This weekend, as none of us were travelling and we ( Yours truly and Mr.ISB) were in two different cities like always, working for the whole day was not difficult. It was anyway the need of the hour. Of course, I took this opportunity called 'No plans on Saturdays' to meet my best friend R who is *touch wood* expecting a baby this month and I could not meet her even after being in Mumbai for  three months. *Shame shame*

As we met, the unsaid rules since ages between us appeared in order. Awesome conversation over two cups of coffee ( and a smoothie!) , muffins and some more. Of course the rule laid by R resurfaced too - Being elder to me only she should be the person to sponsor our treats. Well, I tried to alter it with nothing but the nervous tone. Some times it is not about the money, it is about the authority of that friend which she/he has over you which would make such decisions! Those two hours were the best hours I spent in last some days here in Mumbai.

Sunday morning sun woke me up quite early with my mind full of compulsory plans I had to follow. I had to meet my uncle aunt at the other end of the city. It has been ages I have been attending people alone in this city, but this time I was hopeful to be really happy as I am fond of them since my childhood. That is what happened but while coming back, the sinking feeling resurfaced, the weekend was going to be over. My job is thrilling now in terms of work I do, but some where I have issues with my wishes and dreams not being able to get converted into plans. Dreams about living in mountains for days, trekking for days, running every single day, hogging on green salad full of exotic vegetables like never before, meeting cousins and friend abroad.

The Movie tickets for Bahubali was waiting for me to see the excellent movie once I was back home. If I ignore the shit all Indian movies throw in the form of unnecessary songs, I loved the movie for its Graphics, for actors, for fulfilling my hunger for mythological stories. Coming back late night with the throbbing headache due to exertion helped me to sleep better. With the half baked happiness, another weekend flew.

It is sometimes heart crushing to see your days passing by doing nothing. Being alone. Travelling every now and then to meet your better equal half who can rightfully live under one roof after wedding. Smelling those AC buses or waiting for him to appear after dinner on Fridays just to realize that Sundays can fly to you quickly and he would relocate again for a week or two. I am fed up of doing some social chorus alone, I am not blaming any one it is just the way I have been made. May be the snobbish soul of mine, is not bothered about social stigmas. I am fed up of that weird feeling while I get up in which I have to think a lot to realize in which room I am, in which city I am, where are my people.

If you really understand the feeling of 'Emptiness in life' , you understand where I am coming from.

July 24, 2015

Checked - Partially!

A list of 20 things to let go in your 20s is floating on Twitter, Facebook and several blogs over past one or two years. I never bothered to check for myself as being in 20s was never meant to be magical for me. Only dynamic. Now when I am feeling old thanks to my friends who are already getting babies ( Mom, please note that they are elder to me before smiling!), I thought of checking the same for myself. I would also give credits to the inability of yours truly for not being able to blog due to sudden multiple changes in my life - short termed but still changes. If you do not know, I am a 'routine - lover'!

  • The phone numbers of people you should never have the option to contact again if and when temptation strikes, social media connections with people you feel you have to constantly prove yourself to, and the general presence of those who you’ve simply outgrown. Yes and No. I have done this before. When my old phone was dwindling with various issues I tried to clear the clutter, deleted various memories and de-fragment my mind along with the mobile memory. It is a nice idea to do the same activity again. Though for a person working in operations, deleting contacts can lead to serious consequences. I am ready to try this again, on personal front!
  • The timelines you crafted for yourself in the past. There’s no right time for anything, and what’s most painful is being attached to what’s “supposed-to-be” as opposed to whatever is. I have hardly hit any time line smoothly. In fact my life always took sudden turns. Though some plans were always special and got implemented too! Like my wedding, my new job in a startup etc but then something in my heart says, they were never plans. They were wishes. I have finally understood that, 'There is no right time for anything'! I wont plan, I would just do it. 
  • Speaking ill of people for leisure. Making commodity of someone’s life over drinks or at a party is not only something you shouldn’t have done in high school, but should have left back there if you did. Yes and No. I am not sure if any creature is absolutely 'Bitch free' apart from my Dad in law,Mr.ISB and an Uncle from USA ( They are. To the extend that the virtue can make you feel helpless!). I do not like to speak ill of people, but I am sure it can not be 100% out of me.
  • Waiting for a relationship to save you, because doing so is a dangerously unstable foundation on which you’ll end up building the rest of your life. Done and Dusted. I can only advise friends to never change basic faith and theories for any relationship on this earth. For any damn person including parents, family or even life partners. If you live as per your own thoughts and will, relationships would you make grow stronger. Believe me.
  • The old stuff on your resume, like the service work you did in high school or the club you belonged to for a week your freshman year of college. Nobody cares about it professionally, and probably not personally either. They are there. I am yet to reach thirty but I have conveniently change my last job without the silly resume. A coffee conversation and that's it!
  • Remnants of former loves that you keep around because you’re still holding onto a part of them. You can say they’re sentimental things you’ll want to have in the future, but the reality is that if they only serve to remind you of something that’s missing in your life, you can do without them. NO. A big NO. Nothing from relations which I hate to even remember. Moving on over any damn thing on this earth is possible, albeit with a lot of patience.
  • Feeling as though you are obligated to be the person someone else sees you as. It doesn’t matter if it’s your parents, your former self or someone you love, you can respect all of those authorities and still realize that you are not required to be anybody but who you choose to be in the present moment. I am yet to follow this. I am yet to remove the mask and I do not see myself doing it any soon. I am far from being myself. My USA aunt is someone, I really remove the mask and talk to. Mr.ISB too is  a person, who has seen my original self but otherwise I am not unmasked when I am with friends or any other family member.
  • The need to always have the last word and win every argument. I badly need to get over this. I love to develop thoughts which are best in class and hence, arguments are something which come to me naturally. Some day. 
  • Abusing your body with crash diets, dangerously excessive alcohol consumption, disregard for what nourishment means, etc. It doesn’t prove that you’re cool because you’re “reckless but in control”– it just shows that you aren’t being responsible or realistic about your body or health. I am over it. I abused my body by not working out and by not eating at all in past which led to serious complications. I am over it. I am not really lean or fit to the extent that I praise myself, but I am on my way. I have started it off. I am not really into banning anything from my diet, including food with egg in it. Yeah, not all my family members approve the same but I have my own choices. I am in peace with myself when I eat what my heart wants to indulge into at that particular time. It is a part of my spiritual existence. Believe me.
  • Financial dependency, because there’s a difference between receiving help when you genuinely need it and using someone under the guise of it. Debatable. I am financially independent for my fairly good life style but can not have the pleasure to get all goodies in my plate. For my basic needs, I am independent. 
  • Deciding who you are based on upward and downward comparisons to people, or worse – believing that you are the projection of what you assume other people think of you. I am not sure. I have been in this process of projecting myself as some one really strong, emotionless and a very practical person. Now I believe I am. When I get into sudden emotional turmoil, I try to search my stronger self some where. I do not find her any where. Some two days back, my mentor told me that 'You are too sensitive, which is evident but only a pair of matured eyes can see it'. Well. Forget comparing, unmasking is the key for me.
  • What success means. Not being able to pursue a passion in the same way you support yourself is not a mark of failure. But not being able to incorporate those passions into your life outside of work usually is. Coming to it. I have not given up on my passions. If nothing, I read about them. I never get out of touch. I am not giving up on any of them till my last breathe. They are the part of my existence. 
  • Excessive consumption, and spending as a means of validating self worth. You are not what you have nor are you what you can convince other people you are. I am over the first half. I do not spend unless I really feel like, independent of any influence. I am yet to get over the last part. I still feel the need of convincing people. If I can wash it out from my brain, I might attain Nirvana. 
  • The idea that you’re “above” any kind of work. Entitlement regarding what kind of job you should have is a real thing. In my book, doing whatever it takes to provide for yourself is a success in that it’s a display of one’s resiliency and character. I understand this. I believe in Karma above any one. No work is small. Right from cleaning the washroom to changing your grandmother's diaper. Making food or arranging clothes. Even if you are a guy. I am proud of the fact that my dad taught me the first Karma lesson. He does every thing my mom does. In fact he washes utensils and brushes the floor when and where required. I am happy my brother and my husband ( Both are lazy bums, mind you) believe in the same theory.
  • Being too passive about things that very much matter to you and then getting upset when they go ignored by the people to whom you should have voiced your opinion. I am yet to get over this. Honestly. I try not to be passive about things, just to end up being depressed about things which go unnoticed.
  • Anxiety over the way your body fills out– or doesn’t– as you enter adulthood. Fat is not a thing you are, it’s a thing you have, and having too much or too little does not make you any less capable of the things that genuinely matter. The body is just a vessel. I am not going to get over this, but will make sure it does not intimidate me in a horrible fashion and converts my confidence into low energy crap. In fact the wish closest to my heart is to flaunt leaner body with stamina to move the mountain. 
  • The illusion of control. You can work hard, be devoted, care infinitely, and things could still crumble. Nothing hurts worse than spending your life desperately grasping at having a kind of control that is only viable by delusion. I am a control freak personality but I am the last one to feel that everything is in my control! Yes, it makes it complex. When things go out of control, the kind of anxiety I feel is painful. I need to regulate such feelings growing inside my mind. Any stranger on the road can see my white washed face when I am anxious. Not good at all.
  • The desire to settle because you’d rather not be alone. You will pay for it eventually. I would love to let go this. I am in long distance relationship with Mr.ISB after wedding, since last three months. I have the greed of living with him forever and never say 'Bye' to him. Though, settling down in a particular city may not be my real wish nor would be my destiny I feel.
  • Insulting people’s life choices out of your own resentment and bitterness. People who get married young, or work at jobs that pay well but aren’t fulfilling are easy targets, but are ultimately neither inherently sad nor wrong, though neither is doing the opposite. But the need to insult them is almost always a reflection of yourself (and p.s. I’m guilty of it). I have no idea if I ever did this. Intentionally No. I have slowly realized that my point of view can be 180 degrees opposite to their point of views and I might never win. I might have to adjust to the world. Which is fairly okay if it does not hamper my inner peace.
  • Acting on the idea that any other person is beneath you, especially for what they think, feel or believe. There’s a lot to be said about a person who can discuss an issue with someone who inherently disagrees, and a lot more to be said about a person who can’t.I would love to let this go out of my system. I do not believe in the act of considering some one inferior to me, but I know I become judgmental many a times, even when I do not want to.I would forgive myself for those moments as I know myself, I am going to let go this idea completely over the period of time. I am not into it at all.
If you are still reading this post, thank you! :) I love the combination of writing and introspection.

July 15, 2015

I want, the weird impromptu wish list!

  • I want to eat Chawal wali Kheer. I read about it some where, just ten minutes back.
  • I want to eat cabbage , raw cabbage. I miss it horribly. 
  • I want to walk, walk till my mind goes completely numb. 
  • I want to talk to one of my partners, just like that. About things I want to do in professional life. He knows the scope of improvement on which I am not able to work on. 
  • I want to spend the weekend alone. ALONE. totally. I did not feel this some hours back. 
  • I want to throw myself in the world of books. 'Numb on books' or may be 'High on books'!
  • I want to make Honey Lemon Tea. Well, technical it is not even the 'Tea'.
  • I want to sleep like a baby. I sleep six hours every night but it does not even reach the level of a 'Power nap' for some reasons. 
  • I want to hook on to some nice English movies for some unknown reasons. I have started keeping my laptops in the office due to the back pain I had some months back. Some decisions are better for the life, though I miss watching movies on my own on bigger screen than a mobile screen.
  • I want to get more organized. The way I work, the way I travel, The way I work out. Every possible thing. 
  • I want to catch on some nice plays.
  • I want to go mountains. May be I am done on beaches. I want to wear gloves, drink hot chocolate and get inside the warm blanket after roaming around in the coldest possible weather.
  • I want to buy more bags , shoes and clothes! :D
  • I want to re-start baking again. The kitchen in Pune has spoiled me so much that the kitchen with mom here makes a me a little less creative and lazy.
  • I want to hog on one huge ice cream cake! I wish I was in Singapore right now. 
  • I want the Toast Box coffee of Singapore. How horribly I miss that humble coffee sometimes.
  • I want to visit my cousins and my Aunty in US of A soon. It seems USA is snatching my favorite persons day by day. * My baby cousin who is a lawyer now, wants to study more there, I say what is the need!!* 
  • I want to walk the talk which is in my mind, without any fear. Really. 
  • I want to take a break, spend two days in a brilliant way so that I come back to work with all the more passion I carry for this new job. Not to mention - Less bugging for Mr.ISB.

July 2, 2015

The Null day!

It is as dreading as any Monday for every one. My Mondays are no more boring but still, I have the liberty to call it a weird day to work as I generally carry the hangover of meeting Mr.ISB on weekends.

People at home are not at home. The husband is working in another city. I am excited to go home and cook - if at all the end of the day let me do it.

The Null day started with reading, which was the single most interesting part of the day. I nearly nullified all the work as Mumbai has been blessed with good maids. *Pinch me* I am yet to finish the book, which might end my day in a better way.

I have realized how much social I am. I need people around me all the time. It is very easy for me to freshen up mentally or introspect in a couple of hours. It get back to the feeling of being with friends or family. I have realized I get attached to people very easy, but have matured myself to be bold enough to distance myself from my own people if required. Breaking up relations is not cup of tea but yeah, detachments in the healthy fashion is in , for me.

As I write this, sipping the hot water from the new mug (Come on, every one is the office has been gifted with the mug with the lid, I swear I did not buy it!) and I realize I am not really addicted to tea or coffee. Tea is something I love to sip because it brightens up my spirits. I can do without it as well.

I have also realized, I get detached to people if at all something is going on in my mind with extra ordinary strength. (Read: Panic attacks or thoughts pissing me off) I escape from social world just to come back with a bang. (Of course this phenomena is not true when I talk to Mr.ISB!)

This Null day brings many thoughts to mind, like first monsoon showers. I enjoy it and gulp it too.

Do you have such days?