January 28, 2013

The world I never want to be in..

We all have dream worlds and we also have night mare words. No to make it complex, we love some situations, we really hate some. Of course the pain, tears and confusions come in the latter one. I feel we make our own world but there is something whom I call 'the probe to switch the world' on this earth. They are books.

Books define the world we live in. We forget our actual emotions and float through the emotions the author tries to fill in the book with. Some authors do such things so smart that weak hearted (may be like me) just live the life of one of the characters or sometimes just witness the pain or the happiness offered to them.

A book can not be labeled as a bad book or the wrong book with due respect to the author, there are certain books which give me highly negative vibes.They put me into the cave where darkness wins over bright stars. I sink into the deep well where I have nothing to escape but just continue the reading and finish it over. There is one and only solution. I cant just stop in between. If I do so to even eat or sleep, I start travelling the same story in thoughts and dream or night mares. Generally it happens when I read thrillers. I would like to be honest they are addictive and painful.

I have come to this self realization today. Or I knew it but I dared to accept it today. I am one of those persons who slips into depressive world after finishing a 'Sydney Sheldon' or 'an author I don't remember'. In fact I cried today after reading such a book.A book describing crimes in hideous ways or spinning not-so-moral relations is certainly not my forte.

I started writing this blog just to flush out the feeling. I also accept I could not stop reading the book once I realized my fear for the same for some unknown reasons but looking at my mental state as of now, I think I might not pick a book of such a kind in next few months.

A tip to get over: Cry over a phone with a buddy and let her/him laugh on your reactions! Let the person make you understand that not all in this world are pervert minded or say ill minded.

January 25, 2013

Itti si Khushi..

I was gloomy, staring my room in the hostel at Singapore. Life changed within a minute when I left my mom dad at the airport. I was homesick, adding into it, a fear of unknown had started growing.

My stars had some more troubles for me. Relatives started calling and asked about my 'future' just for the sake of their enthusiasm to attend my marriage. Phew. I do sound like a teenager sometimes.

I finished my unpacking stuff and lunch, opened my laptop. Most of the time I open 'Face Book' but since a month I am off to it. I don't like to dwell much on it. Too much social networking certainly kills your social life. Digressed.

I found one song on the desktop. I had downloaded it some days back. I subconsciously opened my bag and the awesome Sennheiser headphones gifted by my bunch of besties. I transferred it to my iphone, and it started.

Itti si hasi,
Itti si khushi,
Itta sa tukda chandka;
Khvaboke tinko se, chal banayen Ashiyan.

More than words, the rhythm changed my mood. I went to the balcony, with the song in the air with me. I wont exaggerate but I got all the warmth I crave for and which I get in India. Being with our own people is therapeutic.

'Adhi adhi baant le,
Aja dil ki yeh zamin,
Thoda sa tera bhi hoga,
Thoda mera bhi hoga, dil ka yeh ashiyan..

May be long distance feelings can dwell in the virtual heart!

PS: For a senior cum friend of mine, who is actually going through a difficult phase,

Dabey dabey paun se,
Aye holey holey zindagi,
Hotho pe kundi lagake,
Hum tale lagake,
Gumsum tarane chupake chupake gaye...

Enjoy being busy and record your songs!! :)

January 22, 2013

'May' be? No!

So my dad is the coolest dad in the world. That is what I used to feel till he came to drop me at the Airport.

He told (or asked feeling awkward), "After your exams in May, do tell us if you have some one in your mind ( Heart?) otherwise we might consider matches coming from relatives!"

Knocked off. Crashed.

Bubblegum, "Why?"

Dad: "We wont get a perfect(?) guy for you then. It will be late."

Bubblegum, "Huh"

Dad's expression, I could not decode actually.

Bubblegum, " Okay, lets see!"

Now , in this month, we could not come with any conclusion in this topic and so I have decided to face it with brave heart.

I 'May' not be ready, but in 'May' I have to be! Thunk Thunk!

January 20, 2013

I will be back to bug you!

Just about an hour and I will be heading towards Singapore, again for studies. Or should I say, towards one more semester with the same strange feeling of leaving India and my own people.

The post is dedicated to some special lives in India, who all together make my life so lovely. Ah, sometimes irritating too. Apart from my buddies - Shana, Bro buddies-my first company friends-Ms. S P Jain (Who is my everything in Mumbai!), my frock buddy N and other mischievous school buddies, I have some other lives- I call them lives.

The balcony garden and my big couch on which I sleep keeping my legs hanging from the hand-rests. My comfort zones. Oh I should not forget my bed- The very same bed- since twenty four years it makes me feel home and I must say the bed was actually made for my grand father when he was a kid!

Those birds. As I had mentioned earlier, exactly one floor above our flat, a zoologist Uncle stays and he has all kinds of birds in the balcony (with larger than life cages I say, cages are not actually cages!) which is exactly above our balcony. These birds chirp through out the day and keeps my garden alive. In fact an African parrot he has, mimics everything he listens to which includes door bell sound and Gayatri Mantra!!! 

My blanket. Even though there is practically no need of a blanket in Singapore.I just miss the feel. Mom says I get addicted to things so fast- and then an expert advise- It is not good! Who cares! :D

My books, I don't know how many total numbers of cupboards full of books we have. Both at old home and new home. I definitely miss all of them, the smell of those pages. Some books with my grand parents hand writings and covers. Some from my child hood and some from mom's collection. 

My oven. I baked a lot of things this time. Suddenly I have started developing interest in baking and the result was- a bread loaf, carrot cakes, chocolate-oat pudding and other baked dishes. Of course I cooked all sweet dishes using honey and less, very less sugar. I am going to miss my baking experiments for sure.

Ideas and things whom I call my life are just flowing through my mind but it is difficult to express them in one post. May be this longest stay at home after three years of leaving home for my career, made me happy and fresh even though it was full of ups and downs. 

People like me might say, ' Don't stay at home so long that your soul refuses to go back to work!' I would say, 'Can anybody judge the 'long stay' at home? No stay can be long!!'

To my folks, Frock buddy N, Shana, Bro buddies, Ms. SP Jain- 'I miss you' is of no use, just like 'Be in touch', We are soul mates and so..

'I will be back again to bug you!'

Love you India, I shall be proud of you, I shall love you even more accepting your flaws.

January 15, 2013

Petrified- Four days in India

In a state of mind where I just want to relax in my balcony or that big couch in my drawing room and watch TV with a mug of warm milk.

There is a pinch of unknown pain in my heart and with the content feeling of being at home. Yet to discover what is going on.

Last month with ups and downs made me learn a lot. May be I manage myself better without being in touch with friends and still keeping them alive in my life.

I want to escape meeting everyone, cousins/friends coming from the rest of the world to relatives who all are eager to meet me to bid me good bye. I want to escape the pain of packing my bag with a heavy heart.

I am living a part of me here, or may be my soul.

The feeling will vanish with challenges I might face at the university again. As of now, I am trying to drag myself to do what so ever has to be done.

I have no other option as of now. I am petrified.

January 9, 2013

Twists and Turns!-2012

I am a kind of magnate for unwanted or unpredictable twists and turns in my life. Apart from falling down on roads I have this special characteristic and so when nothing happens my friends always ask me, "Teri life mein kuch excitement nahi aya na bahot time se?!" It makes me keep mum as I always feel after the statement something weird is bound to happen. It happens too.

If I recollect things from last year I am sure I will be able to write a dozen of blog posts! The year was smooth yet with lots of twists and turns. Something like roller coaster ride in the Universal studio or a ride on the express highway built on a hill! Really.

A month or two in thinking about my higher studies, applying for the course, patiently waiting for the link to show my status of application and above all spending time with my Mumbai friends who are not actually in Mumbai. Two in Delhi and other two in Mumbai but in the world of studies and vendor visits. I rest my case- Oh no, we still glue together!

Some changes came in my thought processes. I completely conquered the fear of staying apart or staying in a foreign country and loosing my buddies one by one. As I write after six months of landing in Singapore, I feel we have come closer by several steps than ever. I must say I feel grown up and have matured with time too. Silly, my friend don't think so but no, I think I agree with myself! (Narcissism?)

I learnt about different categories of friends. Best friends, Good friends, Farcical friends and friends to move on and forget about. All categories enriched me with strength and patience, so my patience level has grown from minus one to one! :D

My life took a very big turn when I had to resign to pursue my studies. My first ever company- I said Good bye to. Activities related to such an act led me to understand my team mates better, my company better and above all some farcical friends even more better. I spent a hell lot of time with my buddies before leaving Mumbai. I was pampered enough by my mom dad in whatever time I could get to spend with them.

In Singapore, apart from falling sick and falling on the road, I was afraid and then thrilled to leave the student's life again. How to save money to how to enjoy in a foreign country, how to make new friends. Some realizations took place- I am quite a prankster! I have become choosy about friends! Even when I chose a friend and the friend doesn't respond to I don't mind- I move on. May be moving on and enjoying was the thing I learnt the best in the last year.

A thrilling ride of these twists and turns were a big dose of adrenaline. With the hope of getting such rides in this year, with a little bit of stability in my life,

A toast to such twists and turns, the best ever characteristic of my life!

January 5, 2013

A place of childhood(s)

I revisited not only mine but even my dad's childhood. My hometown Jamnagar. Though I have never lived in this 'Chhoti Kashi' (due to numbers of temples it has!), the place is quite boring, I still feel there is a string attached to me. The moment we enter Jamnagar, I feel a strange sense of familiarity, care and affection. Most of known shopkeepers to doctors know my dad by name, yeah my grand father was one of the most famous doctor of his time in the whole region.Even after twenty years of his demise people still come to meet us and share stories of his talent,ethics and value.

Dad and my buas never fail to mention their stories knitted in the city and the huge house of childhood, in which my bua stays now. Jamnagar is equal to my family home, the huge 'deli' with huge garden, parking space, store rooms and  a compound to play. Not only it has stories from my dad's childhood but even mine. The fair I used to visit every vacation and of course the circus! I could notice the circus still performs there! Childhood photos of papa, buas and of course mine are actually a bonus for me! I keep on recollecting things- Though the house is re-designed five years ago, I can connect to almost everything. I still remember the huge library hall and in which cupboard which kinds of books are there. Books which shaped me during holidays. The wooden stair case on which I still dance to make sound- subconsciously! The garden and the courtyard where I used to play for hours in summer vacations.

The town hall just opposite to the house is now a modern building surrounded by gardens now, 'delis' and an old 'bhutiya' haveli. Papa says the huge haveli has thousand 'varasdars' now and no one cares. I used to build stories about the haveli in my childhood which seems like a bundle of jokes now.

Sometimes I think, the city and our home both are connected to me in a strange way. I feel amazingly comfortable there though I have never lived in Jamnagar. Even super market to ice cream parlous  hospitals to temples. May be my grand father and then my dad is so much attached to them that the relation extends up to my heart. People mentioning about my grand father's charity treatment and ethics have a sense of respect,love and care for my family even though not me, my brother or my mom was involved.

Somethings are not worth explaining. For me, my brother and my mom.

We feel connected, always.