March 26, 2014

Weird wedding blues

Declaimer: This post is only for girls from mechanical background who remains tom boyish under all her girlie behavior. Only such girls can understand my blues.

I have spent some essential years of my teen and post teen years with guys. Not a gang of guys, the whole class 89 boys of mechanical engineering.Being the only girl, I would have become super girlie and attention sicker but God had different plans. Unlike what my mom wanted I became the only-male-t-shirts and six- pocket-pants girl of the college. No grooming, no outings made me definitely a stud without any gender bias. The only girlie things I put on every day were a pair of tiny ear rings and the dupatta to cover my face which saved me from the scorching sun of Ahmedabad.

Years later, from all those guys I was in touch with many of them. I am still trying to be that tom boyish girl of the same college but I have become some what 70% more girlish than what I was. Look wise. Behavior wise I some times show 50% increase in girlish side of mine. I hear now-married or soon-to-be-married guys blues.

Now that I understand boys mentality due to my past, I also understand how stupid they are and yet the most practical souls on this earth, who carries no emotional baggage or at least don't show the same. As I am always the girl who hears most of sensible yet non sense stuff her guy friends talk about, I am experiencing weird kind of blues.

I feel bad for Mr.ISB, who is busy enjoying his very last bachelor days as he is getting married to me soon.

Yes, you heard it right. I feel guilty about it. I feel bad about it, just like guys who feel the groom is caged after the wedding. I am really not sure if Mr. ISB feels so or even what should I do to not to make him feel so. Today, I want to tease him for his last days of bachelorhood and then the forever punishment of spending rest of the life with a girl. Oh I want to add, I feel bad when some one tells him that he is the next 'Shahid'!

People laugh at these blues of mine, where I am in to a win win situation from an angle and also a guilty for the same.

Wedding blues are into different shades for me! God bless!

March 25, 2014

I have got wings!

Yes, my constant cribbing about exertion due to walks through rough patches from home room- office - gym every day is no more in existence. I have got my wings! An Activa-i. A very first proud possession!

Life has become simpler. Morning gym sessions create energy for the pre-lunch office discussions and every one is noting me smiling through out the day. I can roam around on my own, I can purchase whatever I want and without fear safely with all energy I can reach my room back in the evening or night.

Smiles are already on my face while planning for a home trip, a trip to The Indian School Of Business to meet Mr. ISB and witness him getting graduating, along with my imaginary convocation as a life partner of the over busy ISB student. Of course the joy of resolving what-should-I-wear-in-functions problems of my wedding is a reason to be blamed for my over smiling face as well.

Touch wood. With wings, things are settling. Nervousness hovering but they all make pre-wedding months beautiful.


March 20, 2014

Dreams of my wedding Or Wedding of my dreams!

Disclaimer: Too pinky - girlie post out there!

When people used to say, all girls have dreams, wishes and hopes for their weddings! I used to laugh at them shamelessly , as I was one of those girls,who when disclosed the news of 'getting some one' on a big social platform like Facebook and What'sapp, 60% of people refused to believe. All of them thought I am playing some serious kind of a prank. Forget about dreaming about my own wedding, I used to get bugged up by talks of preparations, weeks before.

The reality stuck on me last weekend,when I visited home.Even when it was for those three days. Parents and cousins were so super excited about it. When they involved me in details like making Rangolis every day, painting traditional designs on the wall, choreography , DJ, traditional songs selection and what not - I was numb with joy. Honestly, I was thrilled. I never knew it can be so much of fun. Then the shopping sessions started and after a few hours I was bored enough - Yeah I can not tolerate unending shopping sprees- I love decisive and sweeter ones!

Today when again my mom and other masis called me while buying gifts for guests,they asked for my views (being the only artistic member in the family!) the wedding arrow stuck me hard. I realized I have views and some were imaginary ones which will always be illusions. Well, we call them dreams.

Then subjects like photography, costumes, my parent's attires throughout all functions came one by one apart from serious meetings in the office. First time I felt the emotion of joy and excitement for my own wedding over powered my dedication towards boring meetings! Everything occurred in my eyes - I was dreaming.

A dream of looking gorgeous , a dream of glowing with joy, a dream of seeing our parents enjoying one of the biggest functions my family will ever witness, a dream of fulfilling all my ideas about the W-day, a dream of getting crisp -brilliant shots, a dream of getting a cute coffee table books, a dream of getting super dark mehendi, a dream of performing funky duet song, a dream of watching cousins and friends performing their hearts out, a dream of seeing our parents dancing on duet songs!

Feeling those butterflies when every one out there will notice gestures, postures and grace. Even tears and

The joy which can feel you drenched, only once in your life! I agree with all those aunties who warned me years ago. Ah, Those dreams which almost all girls paint in their fantasy lands!

I recalled, " Sapne dekho, Zarur dekho, bas usey pure honeki ummeedey mat rakho!"

May be it can make me come back to sanity, reality. 

March 18, 2014

The bucket list!

There are thousands of things I want to do and like a true girl, there is a big wish list for shopping. Like a true tom boyish girl I  have a big action list, as well. Days, I have been wanting to post it but I was scared. Once it is on my blog it will be recorded for the rest of my life and that is where the problem lies. If I can not fulfill even one, in future I might cry on that. Today, in the morning I realized , when I am just a few days ( In double digit guys, take a chill pill!) from my wedding, I would love to give some pressure to my brains to develop dreams/fulfill which I can. Not that I want to fulfill all before the wedding, but I would love to introspect and tick things from my wish list as fast as I can- a bucket full of lists! Most of them are not related to my single or married status. In fact most of them will be fun to do with Mr. ISB. Let me start!

  • Gym, I have started and I have been liking it a lot. The problem is the distance my mind and body has to travel from home-office-gym-home. Well, a vehicle is still some days away. I want to get fit in any case.
  • Dance more often. No, may be restart. This one thing is something I can go on for hours and is a true meditation for me. 
  • Driving a car. By December this year. This has been keeping me away from being the most independent girl in my world! I have to fight this fear of mine, at any cost now.
  • Swimming. I shudder at even a thought of  getting down in water. I am not afraid of beaches, I love them. I am scared of swimming pools, trust me. Water and chlorinated water. It just destroys my skin and will power to fight. I wonder how these girls swim!
  • Work better, smarter. I have been learning a lot, slogging a lot. At the end of the day, I just want to go steps further in my career plan! 
  • If I tell you about shopping,its going to be a big wish list. Cosmetics ( Dude, I am a girl after all), a sarong to try (Dont look at my figure now!), a jump suit,a frock, a hand bag, a wallet , cute hair pins and well, it never ends without ear rings! I am so bloody choosy that, I hope some day I get all of them!
  • Cooking. This has taken a back step and once I get a home in this city, (Home is where the family is, alright?) first thing I am going to purchase is an oven. May be I need a home to cook and some subjects to experiment on ! ;)
  • Vacations. After earning (see, I am not demanding sort of!) for a year or so, atleast one vacation a year is must. Okay? :D
  • I want to flaunt chiffon sarees like Yashraj films show! I am that filmy yes. I also want to roam around on a beach with shorts and jumpsuits. All these needs best of figures. I am back to square one on the list, Gym.
  • Spa. Some where, some time I just feel like going for it and some unknown fears grip me and I never go to body spa or even foot spa for that matter. I would like to tick this off this year, some day.
  • Photography has taken a step back. Rather ten steps back. After wedding, photography is something I am looking forward to start and learn. Really really needed.
  • I want to stitch a sarong - Kaftan ( Not a big deal, really!) for the upcoming beach holiday! 
I am pretty sure, I am going to conquer all of them this year! Yeah all of them! Get set go! :)

March 10, 2014

A bucket full of bullets!

I am sorry, I am not able to blog much. That is for myself. I feel desperate to blog and the moment I start writing suddenly I feel nothing is worth blogging. Too many emotions gripping me from 360 degrees and my poor tiny mind swings over them.

  • I am scared of walking in dark in the patch from office to home or home to office. The people around are weird, not at all polished and no street lights. Some how buying a vehicle is getting delayed, I just have to manage this phase. More than getting scared, it is also about time management. Increasing work pressure and also my wish to get fit before my wedding takes a toll on my will power every day.
  • Shopping is something on my cards all time. Be it traditional or western wears. I am yet to find a logic behind buying so many clothes, even when people say what I am buying less than other girls! God bless me! 
  • I miss home. My office friends say I glow like some thousand watt bulb when I come back from home. Over here in this city, my glow totally turns off from the face. I noted the same this time and I am amused than feeling sad. I do not do anything special home!! Yeah, meet special people! :) 
  • I was on book marathon last week. Loved and enjoyed the time I could read! This is one of the ways to keep stress away from me. Yeah it works.
  • I make blunders in judging people. A girl whom I felt was super picky and arrogant is one of my partners in crime. I have accepted her with her flaws and she has done the same. Touch wood, but I never felt so good over here in Pune. Coffee breaks, shopping sessions to going to a small home cafe near by is something we do passionately apart from talking talking talking whenever get time. People in office think we stay together! For no reasons!
  • Another friend-senior-guide and teacher in performing crime in office is taking sabbatical for three months and that means I can not meet her for next few months. I am not sure with whom I am going to enjoy walks after lunch!
  • I was irritated on myself and any other who came to talk to me last week. I fought with everyone. Then suddenly one moment I realised what I needed was to feel good about myself. With the help of books and some reading online I tried to came back to peaceful state of mind. I think so. 
  • It was such a good feeling when my manager asked me to come to his desk and blessed me like a father figure, He told Mr.ISB and his subordinate, yours truly, look so so good together. Yes, he is on my FaceBook! 
  • My life is being written on Lotus calendar, hour by hour. Yeah, I feel like deleting them all and live life the way I want in terms of duration for whatever I do. Well, that is a sudden rush but worth penning down!
Ajke lie itna hi., Dhanyavad!

March 2, 2014

He is there some where but not here, with us.

For my father and mother, he was a father figure. For my Bua he was a friend, a life partner and everything. For me and my cousins he was our grand father (I do not remember my grand father apart from one face I seen till I was four!), he was our friend. He was our guide. He was our doctor. For thousands of people he was the great plastic surgeon of his times.

He was not keeping well. Since more than a year.

He passed away. He met and blessed me and Mr.ISB a few months ago, that is the only consolation. I would never forget my God, who did not let him bless us on our wedding.

I was coming back from Ahmedabad to Pune after three brilliant days at home. He asked to keep on enjoying the phase as it comes once in every one's life. The courtship period. We all were busy in preparations for my wedding a few months away. He chose to pass away when I left my town and was travelling. It was my Bua's decision to inform me in the morning once I reach Pune. I have no words.

My bua who declared no mourning sessions or rituals for my Fufa who was a firm believer in enjoying life without any social stigma. She declared, no one will wear white clothes after today. Even she wont, as my fufa loved her as she is - Colourful. She asked me not to come back as for my fufa, my smile was more important then the sadness which comes into the picture with people coming to meet her at home.

This can be a simple rant, but may be this is the way I can express myself today.

Wherever you are Fua ( Fufa), You have to come to our wedding to bless us. You have to be there forever.