September 27, 2013

On faces I have.

I have got to know about some different faces of mine in last few months. Not that they were great discoveries, or a result of introspection. They are faces and labels given by others.

Face 1: About being Kiddish : I am kiddish and that is the opinion all my friends carry. Surprisingly my parents and relatives think I was kiddish at the age of 5 and afterwards I am never kiddish. That is the birth time of my brother. There was one time when I used to laugh at this label but let me be honest it is like an insult for me now. I don't know but this label irritates hell out of me. As I said I carry this tag only for friends, which confuses me more about my original face.

Face 2: About being immature: If it is related to taking decisions in life, I think apart from selecting gadgets and clothes I was rarely confused. I don't think so, I took any decision of my life with immature mindset. In fact just like the above point my parents never feel I am immature. My dad sometimes feel I almost behave like a grand mother in handling some complex behavioral issues of females. Irony is some of my best friends feel the word 'Immature' was actually created for me only.

Face 3: About being incompetent in dealing with people: This is a tag which I laugh at the most. I left home about four years ago. I met some hundreds people and as I am too extrovert I have undergone and I might undergo feelings like happiness, friendship, hurt, betrayals, heart breaks. People say I am too sensitive, I am sure I am. Does it mean I am not competent in dealing with people? Dealing with a room mate who attempted to do suicide, dealing with a bunch of friends who just disappeared in the air, dealing with a room mate who almost depressed me by different tactics, dealing with a pair of classmates who believed that I am one backward Desi as I am a vegetarian and absolutely don't drink etc is a joke? Yeah I failed at times, but then I always moved on. Just because I express what I am going through doesn't make me weak or prove that I am incompetent.

Face 4: About being not so practical : This is something I am. Even my parents feel I am not so practical. I count it as a personality trait then the lack of a particular skill. Emotions are one of the important part of my soul and being practical is something doesn't work for me. If you ask me an option from an emotionally secured world without any other facility and a perfect world with all facilitates without any companion , I will choose the first one within micro seconds. In fact,being too practical ruins emotions from some hearts and that is something impossible for me. As one of my close friend once told me, I have a scope of improvement on balancing emotional front, I agree with him. Though I feel, every body has a scope of improvement. Some needs to be more emotional about life and some needs exactly the opposite. Life is about balancing the inner emotions and external affairs. Isnt it?

If I sum up four faces I mentioned above, I think I am still a teenager. Not that I care. As I know the moment I will face off them, I will be not what I want to be. I will be a powerful person, but not  the one with the life.

I happily describe myself as a sensitive person who likes to take decisions by heart then my mind. I do fall on my face due to the emotional over load but then mistakes make you grow. Right?

I'm back!

I know I was too irregular in blogging, people in fact stopped asking me about my no-blogging-act. Anyway, now when I am back I have to give random updates about my life and of course, my feelings. You might feel an exact blend of happiness , nervousness and disappointment.

  • The major event in last few days was getting job offers. It was a real exam of my patience. People raised doubts about my educational qualification. People considered me foolish as I decided to come back to India. They considered my feeling of being a part of India's economic growth (It looks dull right now!) an idiotic idea. I never regretted my decisions but then it was taking too much for me to be calm. At times I cried alone, parents and my fiancee tried to manage my tantrums, depressive vibes. Finally I got two offers from very good companies of my field. The offer I accepted was an opportunity and a gift to me, I feel. I could actually shut mouth of all critics. I could achieve what I had in my mind! I am super happy and also sad as these will be my last some days at my home, which will be my parent's home from next year. 
  • An exciting feel of shifting in a city where I have lived for six months is in the air. Though I was not in the city exactly, now I want to explore the heart of the city. Pune it is. Looking forward to the whole new experience of living and working in the new city alone! 
  • The rains in Gujarat are creating havoc every where. I guess God tests us every two- three years. Earthquake-riots-flood-flood and so on. I hope the situation will be fought with great courage as always. 
  • This point is almost like venting out fire from inside. I am trapped in an emotional cage where I feel suffocated. This cage is built by me, no one is responsible but keeping every one happy is not an easy task. Especially when it comes to events like marriages. You become the single point contact of the guy's family and held responsible for each action- reaction from his side. My soul is yet to discover the shut down mode from such conditions. 
  • Well on a happy note, I expect better blog posts full of experience and learning from next month!

September 9, 2013

Kids, religions and India!

Religion was just a small world when I was a kid. We, kids in my school sang songs and prayers of all religions our teachers knew about. From Ram, Krishna, Rahim, Kabir, Jesus, Mahavir Swami, Buddha, Nanak to even Tao, every one was present in our prayers and thought. Of course we were taught that we all are one, we thrive to reach to the same super power. I am sure all kids learn the same. Kids are taught that India is one nation where all religions are same, humanity unites us,we all are same.

Some where during high school period the gap starts appearing. Rituals enter in lives new teens in a rigid way. Parents try to let kids know more about their own religions. Fair enough. Kids also start differentiating using their own concepts. An innocent heart starts making comparisons in castes/ religions using different angles gifted by parents, family and friends. The kid who used to celebrate festivals of all religions slowly starts feeling awkward when festivals of 'others' are being celebrated. Parents and relatives take proud and instill those feelings in kids at this age, worst they also instill differences from this very age.

Once he or she enters the college and starst making their own choices, parents become more rigid about their own religion. The same parents who taught them in the childhood that all religions believe in the same single super power. Youngsters now know their religion is the best on the earth, they are the most ethical clan close to God. Panic attacks, honor killings, riots take place when two matured personalities from different religions/caste/states decide to marry. Just because they have a different set of Gods and rituals! Just because they are holier or higher than the other caste or the religion!

The transformation of a kid to adult becomes tainted and gets adulterated at the end. Do we need to change this?

Fights between religions, fights between states, fights for languages! - Don't we need to continue the feel of 'We all are one' for the life?

Do we need to change the feel of upbringing in kids while teaching religions? Love marriages, inter state and inter caste marriages may bring a change and the unity India wants now. May be.

September 7, 2013

Thoughts over the cup of coffee!

I brewed the coffee from the machine dad has been gifted by his French friend.The fitness freak soul of mine subconsciously added Sugar Free in the coffee and stirred the whole mug with the spoon. With the same subconscious mind, just like a daily ritual I went out in the Garden Balcony.

My eyes were focused on the mug and my mind, went back to the conversation my dad and my aunt had the previous day. My aunt who is a doctor is trying to treat my stomach burning problem. Like all other health problems I have, this is also a psychosomatic disorder. In simple language it has to do with psychology or the stress level of the patient.

I started sipping my coffee and realized, how  my thinking-too-much habit has resulted into health problems in last few months. It has reversed my state of mind from care free to gloomy. Why cant I control my mind? Why do I have to think and over analyse things? Even when I am blessed with world's best parents,family  friends and of course an awesome life partner.

If I am going to fall deeper in to this dark well, I am going to be gripped by a kind of depression. May be just like my mother who suffers from hyper tension  time to time. If I am going to suffer how will my own people smile?

I was the sun shine, I was their smile and now? They are worried about my health. It is me who has to be stronger, and I have to take care of them. Tough to digest but I am a big girl now.

With the empty coffee mug, I left the balcony and smiled at my mother," Mom, lets go out today?"