Locked Down and Up Down

We seem to be living in a movie.No, well a reality. Crazy times.

If we survive, we can always refer ourselves as the ones who lived through Corona. The way we lived through Earthquake of Gujarat in 2001...(It would have been spooky if Corona would have happened in 2021! Look at the numbers!)

While the world is stretching itself to pass through this phase, which seems to be never ending- from the micro lens of life- I am almost passing one day at a time. For this working mother (yours truly) of a crawling 9.5 months old baby, becoming a super woman is a struggle, Ah, almost impossible.

In case you do not have patience, like me- skip the next part of this blog or well, get bored.

***

5.30-6.30 am- Abby decides when should I get up but generally it is 6 am. (No, please I can not get up earlier than this)- While he screams at the top of his voice till I pick him up and give him milk which involves rushing to the steriliser, make his formula, put his rocker on the bed, pick him up and give him milk. The hungry soul then becomes happy and settles down. This entire 15 minutes is A Stretch!

I pass our baby parcel to my father-in-law who in turn pass him to my mother-in-law if he is still in his pyjama. I leave the room only when he is little less irritating for my mother-in-law because ladies and gentle man, his hyper-ness Mr.Abby is all time high with energy and ready to just go all over in the morning. While his grand mother can control his energy only a bit. Ah, well. If we can divert him in playing with his toys, good- we are sorted. Then this mom goes back to work.

Work? Sterilising his breakfast set. Diaper trash. Preparing his laundry. Making his and our bed.

Then back to kitchen for tea. I love making tea- the way every person likes. I do make two types of tea separately so that nobody's morning gets spoilt. While every body enjoys tea, Mr.ISB manages Abby and I rush to take our morning meeting call.

Once it is done in 30 minutes. I prepare breakfast for Abby. Feed him. Clean utensils and high chair. Put him to bath. Dress him up. It is now 10.30 am already. I am yet to start my office work and ah, take bath. I take bath, fold clothes which are on the drying rack. Help in the kitchen for 20 minutes and prepare Abby's lunch. Oh my god, I need to work for office too! I realise.

I start working at 11.30 am and work for around 20 minutes because, hey Abby is hungry by then.

I feed him his lunch, Clean up his mess. Let him play till then and change his clothes and diaper. Stuff my stomach with lunch by 1 pm and get my ass off to work, because remember- you are yet to prove yourself at work. Mr.ISB then baby sits along with my in-laws till Mr.Abby decides to sleep.

I feel tired by now but I dont have time to even move from one room to another. I just work and work and work. And it is 3.45 pm already. I rush to prepare semi cooked fruit pieces or a shake for Abby who would have enjoyed, hopefully a good afternoon nap. I make him practice having milk in sippy cup and let him enjoy his fruit. Clean the mess, clean the baby. Make tea and pick up that mug- rush to work again.

It is 6 pm already. Adult clothes in the washing machines are done. I rush to put them on the drying rack. Clean the bathroom and kitchen. Keep Abby's nightdress ready and start preparing dinner for Abby. If mine and MIL's stars are promising - somebody else in the house will cook the dinner. However I wash utensils for all, clean Abby's mess. Change his clothes. Put him in Pyajamas. Prepare his cot for the night.

Get myself some food for dinner- mostly delicious if cooked by Mr.ISB. Try putting Abby to sleep, if fail- let my husband do the job after giving Abby his good night Formula. It would be 9.40 pm by then. I crave for some rest by now, I need time to relax but my office work.....?

I open the laptop, try finishing work. I open Pinterest, find awesome DIYs and wonder if ever I would be able to spend sometime on doing what I want. I realize, I need to take time to condition my hair since a week. Ah, I realize all my clothes are shitty. I also realize, I am sleepy and  I pray Abby does not get up too early, while dozing off.

***

Tell me is it sustainable? To live like this? for 15 days more?

Is it fair to Abby to let him miss his floor play time because every one wants to lift him and keep him in their laps? Is it fair to give him mobile phone (he does not understand anything except the lights coming out of the screen) because the person baby sitting is tired of chasing him?

It is fair to not to care for yourself? I do not like to even get clicked. Because I look like an old sack of clothes? Because, I do not know if I should invest in five more minutes to keep conditioner on my hair? Because, I do not have time to read a book , paint a card, blog a bit or even sing a song and dance?

I do not know. What do you think?

Chai Time Chitchat #21

Many things are happening. Right from Corona in Mumbai/India to Abby's Never ending (seems to me) viral infection. I am not sure from where to start.

I am incredibly stressful about Abby. He has become so so clingy, under-stably. He had high grade fever for three days and now since one day low grade fever. No, he has not shown any coughing or cold symptoms. Mostly like a stomach bug. (Who knows!) With Covid-19 around, it is so scary to take him to hospital. Keeping grandparents away from him is also next to impossible. (Mission Impossible 1 is to keep them home without warning them about Covid-19)

Home front. Home is a warm word, even if it is messy. It is dirty. However, I have realised depending on others to keep it clean is a joke on yourself. The moment your maid is on leave, the panic strikes the elderly because they have forgotten to share their responsibilities amongst family members hence now the pressure is ON. Only on specific people of the home. I would rather partner with my husband and do the cleaning while my baby plays in the cot/play pan or with the nanny. I am not sure why in India this simple act of taking/giving full ownership of domestics tasks is so so difficult?

Work front. Don't even ask. I have been asked to work on US projects along with India projects. It is impossible to do 38294837 things at home, 84375973 for Abby- give him attention and pacify him because he is teething/he is ill , squeeze in time to work in day- leave alone at night. I am this close to resign, because I have zero time to introspect. (Oh the irony!) I have all the time in my life to earn but  moments with my baby (because there are 1039208 people ready to raise him albeit in their own ways) and peacefulness in my life -none are coming back. I have literally done zero stuff for my health or personal development. Zero books, zero painting, zero work out and the world is sharing articles on killing time in lock down.

On a positive note, I have been constantly getting support from Mr.ISB to take rest, while he takes care of vaccuming our part of the flat, cleaning utensils at dinner (while I do it at lunch), cooking dinner (I do it with the help of my MIL for rest of the meals) and baby sitting Abby(which he always always did) We are trying to really pull this through.

What we are not able to is - convincing other members of the family to stop spreading news on Media, keep themselves locked down, stop worrying about the next grocery bill or taking out money.
We are 30+ years old and we can really really manage a family. Blah, nobody is listening. Parents, I tell you!

What's up with you guys? How is Corona Lock Down treating you?

Don't stop having Adarakh wali chai, alright?

Squeeze In?

How the hell do you squeeze in time for yourself? 

You get up at the time your baby gets up, who just want to hug you for ten minutes and as soon as you leave him, he wants to monkey around. 

You feed him, you feed yourself and others. Tea, ah well it is no more a therapeutic experience because you are on a stand by for others to have tea, so that you can peacefully clean your bedroom and get ready. You get your Ola and call your mom who obviously is more interested in talking about your baby. Sometimes she is worried for the sore throat and coughing you have since eternity but oh well, the worry fades away in a minute.

You reach office, have a cup of coffee while rebooting system and making a couple of phone calls. However, you do get ten minutes of peace if you order tea customized for you. However, it is on the mercy of the canteen manager. 

You hog on the lunch quickly while talking to friends you have made. Ten minutes of walk downstairs is something you use to network however the same set of friends do hear to your comments and inputs on 23786 things going in the office. 

You work your ass off and coordinate with those carpool riders to reach home on time or just stare at the browser till you get an expensive cab booked. You buy a couple things needed home, remove earrings in the elevator and enter, Boom!

The baby is happy, you are more than happy. You cuddle and you snuggle. Baby does not leave you and Nanny is packing the bag before time. Mother In Law goes out for a walk while you try to answer calls while playing with the baby. You remember, you had put the cooker on the stove, you remember the numbers of whistles and partially prepare the dinner while playing with the baby. Yes.

You feed the baby, freshen him up and make him wear his night suit. You read him a book and let others play with him while hogging on to the dinner. You put your baby to sleep and you want to sleep as well. But, you want me-time.

Just when you think about it, you get a reminder on an upcoming deadline. You again work and juggle between work, me-time and putting the baby back to sleep if he gets up. You just collapse on the bed, while checking if the alarm is on for 5am next morning.

I am not sure how to 'squeeze in time for myself', when that is what I get to hear when I am seen with droopy tired eyes and fuming mind!

1. Work out

2. A cup of coffee/tea in peace

3. A warm bath

4. A Small 15 mins reading session

How? How do super moms do around the world. How?

Abby Notes #8

Abby is 8 months old now and believe me, this is such a fun age. He blabbers, he tries to sing, he is very very expressive and oh boy, he hates it when you snatch his favourtie toy! Did I mention he is an unstoppable frog like creature! (What kind of a mom am I, calling him a frog? hhahahaha)

Abby has been a good child when it comes to being home with my MIL and his nanny while I am at office. I used to secretly feel bad that he does not really need me amidst all the love he gets from every one. Oh Boy, how wrong I was.

Abby was down last week with Viral. From a day before the week, he suddenly started coming to me by demand. Little less I knew, he would not go away from me for a minute when he was under the effect of Viral fever. I realised, may be the mom connection is too strong even if a baby gets all the love in the world. There is something definitely in the mom-love, I am sure. It is not biological for sure, it comes from within. And... by the way, It broke my heart into tiny pieces whenever the thermometer showed high temperature.

However, after a fight of 1.5 days he had started recovering and he did not waste one minute in compensating the loss of his active time during the illness. In fact, my FIL today declared that one person alone at home, can not- just can not handle him. And when he (who is blindly in love with our baby) says that.... You know how it is!

He has started developing retention power in the memory department too. Our 'The most favourite' Kaka Kaki from US came back from their trip to Kerala after 10 days and this time, they were greeted with a smile. And believe me, It was such a warm feeling seeing three of them together, spending time with each other. One of those moments when you want to freeze time.

Abby now crawls, wants to play on the floor and exactly not on the playmat! He wants to touch, feel and collide with everything. If possible bang things on other things- Do you get the gist? Did I tell you he loves playing 'Tabla' on his drum, boxes, glass top table and ah well, on my shoulders too?

This month, Abby also received gorgeous gifts from our Kaka Kaki (Can you see the mommy happier than the baby? Of course!) This wanna be elegant but messy mommy who has given up even putting a good bed cover on the bed, was super excited to see cute bedsheets and clothes for Abby. Can I just show you pictures of the gorgeous books he has got? Oh well, that needs a separate post!

I can not wait to read out stories I have grown up listening to. I can not wait for our next Ahmedabad trip (God knows when it is coming though!), I am excited to take Abhimanyu to some where out side India. Before these days arrive in my life, I every day wish for his good health and ....

His good night sleep, sharp at 9.15 pm. Thank you :D

A Sunny Day Rambling

New motherhood comes with no me-time. Almost. It also comes with a lot of loneliness, questions, issues and sleep deprivation. Just when you think you are settling once your baby is six months old, you get busy with office. Sometimes it comes with staff management, family management and also your own expertise in not stepping up for yourself and just over think about issues.

However, sometimes you see a silver-lining too. You get to talk to your favourite people and feel good. Even if it is for a while. Sometimes you just Whatsapp or mail such people and feel good...And sometimes your favourite people come to meet you from US of A and also your husband manages to push you to spend time with them. An entire day. Without worrying about your baby, home, in-laws, parents other family members. Now, that is a line full of diamonds and not a silver-line!

Because I am writing with such gusto about it, obviously it happened. Yesterday. I spent almost a whole day with my most favourite people in the world - Kaka and Kaki. That too, how? Visiting Kalaghoda Festival, window shopping and shopping, visiting a book store and discuss a lot about life in general! Ah, also- We had coffee, lunch, tea and coffee together, in that order. I mean, even in my dreams I don't get people like me who can really roam about for such things in life!

I almost felt like a little girl talking to best friends who can sort every issue she has in life. Just talking to them reminds me that I can be a lot better as a person that what I am. I can be a lot better at sorting myself out than I am. And not in a negative way, but in a very positive way.

I do not have to think twice before asking them a thing. I just feel the wavelength and believe me, irrespective of relationship other members of my family share with them- I just adore them, I respect them and I look upto them - all the time.

My family has gone though tough times in last 3 years. Abby has been a blessing for them. However, we as a couple were always under the judgemental eyes of society and family on how we are supporting other members of the family. Possibly rightly so. However we both husband and wife are now feeling bogged down by the load with our brand new baby. If somebody can sooth me from this entire situation, than it is them.

I can not forget how I can talk on and on and on and on about anything under the sun with them. Movies, Books, Art, Science, Mythology, Cooking, Religion, Parenting, Fashion, Gadgets, Coffee, Tea, Food, Decor, Relationships. Name it, and I will add it.

They are the perfect combination of a set of parents with an understanding of friends. I love my both sets of parents, but they are the third set - Dear to me. (Not in that order!)

That one super power I believe in, sometimes just showers sunshine on me.

They are my Sunshine and who does not like a Sunny Day?

To Abby #1

Dear Abby,

You are going to be seven months old in two days. You are my little but big boy and believe me, every one around loves you more than anyone around in this whole world!! (And, you have a mother who writes her mind out without proofing it. Bare with her!)

I thought of writing this letter to you- One, because it has been my first work week after your birth. I am leaving you home with Dadi and Tai.Two, because I just love writing mails to my near and dear ones and welcome to the club of the people I love writing to. You are in a gang of only six people so far!)

Today is the fourth day of my five days work week, in my very new and challenging job. You have been nothing but a blessing for this new and now working Mumma because you are happy without Momma at home. You do not cry or you are still not clingy. Every one say, once you will be nine or ten months old you might be too upset when I would be going to office but I have a hunch that you will support the challenging role your mom wants to crack!

Oh, it does not mean I do not miss you. On the first day, when I came back home- you sort of ignored me. My heart broke then and there but in two three minutes when you started playing with me in your usual way, I could not stop smiling. On the second day, a few Building Aunties blamed me indirectly for being selfish. However, it was your Dad who reminded me why I am working. He also told me that when you would grow up, you would appriciate me for managing my career well and would also understand that every person (irrespective of his/her gender) should have a freedom of choice- Specially in terms of, To work or Not to work, after marriage or having kids.

I might sound harsh but I am an individual. I did not lose my individual personality even after getting married to your Dad (Thanks to him!) and hence, when your very wise 'A' Pishimoni adviced the tired Mumma of yours in her passive voice, a few months back:" Abby is a part of you, rest of your personality still needs to have passion and joy! You will be happy if you preserve that part and so would be Abby!" I could not and can not agree more. Do you know the most wonderful part? Your Dad belives in it more than any one of us. And to prove? I am spending total three quality hours with you every day before going to office and after coming back and they are nothing but JOY.

Another reason for me to join work - is AMBITION. I have a few for myself, your Dad has some as well and you would have some for yourself. Everyone should have a goal or goals in life to reach to and Believe me, some day you would know why I did not give up on this one.

Abby, I am sure you would give me strength to crack this new role which matters to me a lot. However, be sure that you are the most important part of your Mom and Dad.

Love,
Mumma

Ah__Fish!

Oh yes, I am talking about Office today. Yours truly has resumed work and from all the aunties in our building this Mommy has wore the robe of selfishness and every day goes to work leaving her 'poor' almost seven months old baby home. (Oh no, he does not register my absence at all! 'They' ignore the fact when I leave for office!)

I would stop my rants here and talk about things I think when I am going to office, when I am in office and while I am on my way back.

-Abby is going to be alright. He does not even miss me. Stop thinking about it.

-I don't have anything to wear!

-Why is it so uncomfortable to keep hair open! Let me tie a bun. Oh No, I cant. This is an office.

-Oh my God, the world outside is so slim and trim. God knows how to squeeze in time for working out.

- This feels so good. I finished all the pending tasks.

-Where was I for eight months? Absent from life?

-What would Abby be doing? He does not even miss me! Why?

-I need coffee.

-I want to work out or walk. But I want to meet Abby as soon as I can.

-I need to change my hair style. This pony tail looks out of age for me.

-When should I book a cab to go home?

-Why the hell this Mumbai traffic appears ever where?

-Day care downstairs for ******* Bank is so cute. So many babies!

-Oh look at that baby! Must be younger than Abby too! Why cant I have my baby here?

-No, I cant. What if I have to stay back for some time?

-When is the boss going to talk to me?

-Oh my God, I need to cook dinner as per the plan.

-Oh No, then I will give hardly 1.5 hours with Abby.

-Why is that aunty telling me that Abby will forget me now?

-Oh well, another one coming to ask my office timings. Why don't they go and ask this to Daddy.

-What? Abby is wearing such a mismatched pair of clothes. I had kept everything prepared in the basket, what happened to them?

Believe me, there is a trail left to write about. I still need to plan and sort out some issues. I have to fight with social dilemma of performing in career and my personal life as a mother.

Some day. I will get over them. I can not fight with the society.