January 12, 2016

Chit Chat

I came across this. One feed in my feedly and a full nod. The author seemed to have my own heart when she said, it is not in our culture to teach a woman how to be alone.

I remembered my uncle (Fua, as I call him) who expired a few months before my wedding. This man had taught my aunty (his wife, who was seven years younger to him) to be alone - independent long before he expired at the age of 78 by letting her work as a Gynecologist (no less!), encourage her to make long trips alone, cultivate hobbies (so much that she got her 'Visharad' in Classical Music at the ripe age of 67!) and so on. My aunt has moved on with the same courage we have always seen her with. It makes me proud but I feel the pain too that our society does not care about women in such a fashion.

Accompanying a lady every where, pampering her to the extent where she hardly knows how to handle her own financial situation and be with her every minute possible would do no great but to put her in a trap of denial and depression if god forbid she has to live alone some day. Be it for a small period of time. When I left home in 2009 to work in an Automotive giant on my own, I also went through the stage of denial but my dad made sure I manae every thing on my own - Manage my salary, pay my returns, buy groceries, cook , have parties, manage my logistics (come on, as parents they slept when I reached home on those nights), manage my re-locations and land lords above all learn how to live alone. I am proud of myself whenever I see people of my age struggling to even switch on a washing machine on their own or make a cup of tea if left alone some where - forget about managing a broken tap.

I think living alone is boring and may be depressing but once you overcome it prepares you for the hardships which might surface in life later on. It is extremely important for females to learn this. Rather than fumbling like some of our grannies and aunties who were blank about money in the bank when their husbands/fathers left them alone for the better place. Yes, it happened with my maternal grand mother. It was my mother, being too smart as a daughter managed every single thing at the age of 22 (and raising her four siblings with that money)

We are setting up our bedroom now when we both are in the same city we call our home. I kept on wondering why the world has moved to cheap - ready made- ply furniture leaving old-solid wood-teak sort of elegant furniture? I am sure money is one thing but spending lakhs on ornaments which rest in bank lockers mostly does not really justify the reason. I so wish all my distant grand-uncles and grand-aunties whom I rarely know gift me some of their assets. Till then I am going to make my room classy even with the ply furniture, okay?


I am in love with this new channel called 'Epic'. Google says it has some funding but I so wish it does not die. It is like purely Indian - proud of heritage site showing no nonsense? Bollywood, Food, Stories, History, Freedom fighters, Literature and what not. Absolutely brilliant by amazingly talented actors of this age. If you watch TV then you can not miss Epic! (I just came to know Srilankan Cinnamon came to India through Portuguese and we adopted it in almost all sweets. Talk about intolerance!) 

I am plodding enough to get up on time. Sleep on time before that. There is this invisible force which clenches me when I think about going to bed and thus end up sleeping late. Skipping my walking session next morning. I do make up by walking to the station and the office but then morning jogging or walking seems to be more fun than anything. It gears me up for the rest of the day. This wake-up-late has to change at any cost because what I would do in this age would be with me in my old age. Work out is one good job to rip sweeter fruits.

I am not sure if I love shopping or not. I keep an eye on current fashion trends so that I can help myself and others in picking up dresses during family weddings coming in future. When it comes to shop in real, I slog. I have to really have a heart to go to the market and buy. Shopping, in a way is not my forte. My cousin is getting married this month and all I want is to get over those talks about what-to-wear-and-when with mom and Masis. Same had happened with me before my wedding too. I can not survive shopping hundreds of things together, back to back. I need small joys of life like buying one elegant saree and a necklace at a time. Such things never happen in India during weddings - for a bride or even for a close family member.  I really hope, I get into the groove when I land up in Ahmedabad and enjoy this wedding as well. (And flaunt sarees and that god damn dress which I am yet to buy!)I really hope.

I loved cooking. I still love it but getting into the mood seems totally ambiguous. I do not feel like experimenting for all five members of the family. It is not safe. Every one has different taste and every one has their own dietary choices at a time. It takes a two to cut down options and bring one to the table with the enthusiasm I used to cook before. Some day I would manage to handle such a situation and that day my friend, there would be a feast at home. 

1 comment:

  1. For the living alone part of your article, it's a crucial thing to be able to train yourself to switch between living independently when you're alone and accepting co-dependence when you're living with family/people in a protective environment. Sometimes when we live alone we loose the habit of living with other people because our rigidity in lifestyle preferences goes up steeply.