July 27, 2016

Decoding Self

While I was strolling on one of the online catalogs,I came across this.I almost fell down from the chair, as I felt it was written for me. About me.

I have always been in doubts about my personality type since the day I have been thinking about it. I am talkative, I am outspoken but I am selective. I do act like a complete extrovert but then most of the times it is a mask I wear. I share secretly,many traits of introvert personality type as well.This article was a happy discovery in this day and age for me- 18 struggles of an outspoken personality who is also an introvert!

1. Not anti-social, selectively social.
Perfect. Lately I have been extremely picky about people. I have stopped entertaining relationships if they are draining energy out of me. I have achieved the detoxification with some pinches of junk food here and there but yes, 'Selectively Social' is the word for me now. My old friends gets a sense of shock when I say I have hardly have any friends in Mumbai. Because, I was famous for having minimum three (precisely) friends in all the cities I had to visit officially. I was ALWAYS surrounded by friends,now- I struggle. I have stopped building relationships consciously, rather invest in harnessing existing ones. May be. May be not harnessing part as well. In short, I'm not open any more to make new friends consciously.

2. Not a group person but a 'Best friends' person
I was never a part of any group of friends in my school or college days. I always had best friends from multiple groups.  Independent of any groups. Though I must confess I have two 'Groups' and I do love being into both.(If three or four can make a group!)

3. Not a 'Prom or a Disc' person
Absolutely.I dislike parties where people dance and drink in dim lights. I dislike where I have to be conscious of things around me, rather people around me. Not that I do not like dancing, in fact I absolutely love it but not in the atmosphere discs and parties provide. I like home parties- some pizza slices or delicious pasta. Some dance on Bollywood music if required. Gupshup over chai. My idea of a party :-)

4.Yet the life of the Party
I do become one when I am in the'my kind' of a party. Where I am with 'my' people and a comfortable surrounding.

5. A break to recover the 'Social' life selected by yours truly
Yes, I need lonely moments every now and then. I get super suffocated and clearly make a mess out of nothing. It is getting more and more important with age to get those moments of solitude.

6. Going out of the way to avoid people
Classic example is not wishing any one on Face Book (even after getting notifications daily) unless they are close to me- in that case I call or message those lucky fellows.I try to hide beneath an invisible (from my eyes) blanket to avoid talking to people in real life. These people of course do not include 'My People'. (Every now and then I escape from a few from this segment as well for some days.)

7. Dating is awkward
Because, I do not/did not consider the shy,sly, typically romantic, weird dinner sessions as dates. My idea of a date has evolved from considering it as a hype to a friendly comfortable time spent with special someone . A long walk, few cups of filter coffee, random chit chat and if possible no one to interfere.Replace 'The walk' with 'Books', we are happily dating too!

8. Flirty with everybody- Accusation 
I used to get such accusations in College days but they were completely baseless as I would be just laughing on situational jokes while being friendly with anyone from my class of 89 boys out of 90 people, some used to take it as 'Positive signs given by the girl'. (Only in finale year because, for three years yours truly was called 'That tomboyish girl') Now a days I hardly suffer from such accusations as I have become too picky about people to talk to and I am married so people do not really build such perceptions about me.

9.An air of mysteriousness
Because I'm too complex to understand even when I'm transparent enough about my personal life. I do not feel like posting about life every day, I do not answer forwards on group chats. In fact I have become like my husband who quietly checks messages on Whats App but seldom reacts!

10.Too much of Social media or nothing at all
I had have my Twitter days when I would be tweeting about everything about me. Such days,well never went beyond the count of ten. I have also deleted my social media accounts many time just to avoid social presence.

11. Social Jacket for others but still not comfortable
I was a social face for my brother before, now I am quite a lot for my husband. Well, inside some where I myself need a jacket- the one which would permanently hide me from people.

12. 'In between' Personality Type
I took almost twenty eight years of my life to realize that I'm neither an extrovert type nor an introvert type of a person. I am a little bit of both.

13. In the Wringer 
You get pushed into it. This has happened in all my jobs where people feel I'm a pro at presenting ideas, carrying out meetings and even influencing workers. It is only me who knows who gets nervous but never shows a thing after being pushed into the wringer.

14. Want to be in the lime light but not too much
Because as much I love performing on a stage even after getting nervous- I hate to see my self on the screen. The reason I have never watched my Sangeet and Wedding video yet!

15. In the Conundrum
Because I (secretly) dislike to take life changing decisions. Or not so life changing decisions as well. I never order while dining out, because I hate to select a few food dishes from a menu containing 25 dishes. I actually have spent six months, just to select a mobile for myself. At the same time, some decisions in life have been taken with super sonic speed. Like marrying Mr.ISB! :D

16. Cafeterias - Second love
You have civilization around you. Yet, you are alone.Oh, you have a mug of coffee to enjoy life. What else do you need. I die for such moments and cafes.

17. Travel
I like travelling a lot. I love meeting new people, going places and exploring local food. I love being with ONLY my own people as co-travelers though. I do get pissed off with any unwanted person accompanying me for more than an hour's journey. I am not really extrovert for that person after that! It does not mean I do not life to talk to strangers,once in a while I do develop friendship with completely strange travelers while aboard.

18. Actually Shy
Yes, I am a bit shy person and I never accepted it before. Even when my childhood days are recorded as days of the most introvert and shy kid. I some how had a mask over it when I entered junior college to sustain in this world. That was my idea. Not any more. I accept myself as I am- A Bit Shy.

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