September 27, 2016

In Reality

Like 99.9% people around me say, I'm an extrovert.Well, in reality I am NOT. I wear a mask of some giggles- smiles and talkativeness.Well, I talk a lot but people seldom realize that I choose my audience very carefully. (Once I make them my own they become the victim of chattering!) I knew about this mask before but reading this book called 'Quiet' by Susain Bolt- I know myself better.

1. I do not like to talk all the time. I do float in with some dialogues here and there but when I crave for that me-time for myself-nothing else helps. Not even if Harvey Specter comes begging to me for a cup of coffee. I sometimes like to get into my shell and want to be there forever. It only means that there is a storm being cooked up inside my mind and I need that time to calm myself down.

2. Like what she said in the book, pseudo extroverts can chat online a lot. They face great difficulty in talking face to face, in fact they have pen pals sort of friends more than face to face ones. They cook up a thunder storm connecting with people online but when it comes to face all of them in real life- they just shrug their shoulders and avid the occurrence. Totally me.

3. I like to be with my family. I love being in a joint family thanks to my brought up but when it comes to difference of opinions or whispers behind my back or a virtual cage of rules-I feel like getting under the blanket forever.Such situations have come up with my own parents too.

4. I am an aggressive introvert. I have firm opinions about things I know. I can strongly put them forward. If some one gets offended by it and I come to know about it - my relationship with him/her goes through a bumpy road. Very very calm people have problems with me and I do have problems with them but then some of my best friends have such traits too. (Mr.ISB looks calm but he is aggressive when it comes to his opinions)

5. I like creating my own abode. My corner, my wardrobe, my room, my office table, my stationary,my kitchen- everything. I like to do it as per my own ideas. It is very difficult to adjust in others' area for me. I have adjusted well with my in-laws/my own parents but then where do things float without an underwater dive? I remember my mom horrified of five years old me- who refused to open the door of the cupboard containing her dolls for her cousin. The reason was clear - my cousin was a very destructive child and I was supremely possessive for my toys. I am still the same.I still get irritated when some one takes a pen out of my pen-stand and never puts it back,but some thirteen location changes and sharing flats with different breeds since 2009, I have become a bit softer on this side. But, crushing the dream of putting that one vintage side table or  making the room a bit wider by choosing light colors - still hurts.

6. I want to do everything which is not a team activity. Just like a true introvert. I would watch Netflix, I would paint, get into crafting, read voraciously, love working in the kitchen alone, clicking photos, blogging - everything but nothing which we do in a team. One of the reasons I am not good in any sports. Though I like to spend time doing such things with people whom I comfortable with. Example: Watching movies with Mr.ISB and my SIL; Craft with only (may be) Frock buddy N; Reading alone but again would love to have Mr.ISB around. More than three people together- I would secretly wish for an emergency putting me away from the group.

I'm still wondering how many more actual traits I have managed to hide from myself. Have you read this book? Ever felt you are not what people see you as?

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