July 24, 2015

Checked - Partially!

A list of 20 things to let go in your 20s is floating on Twitter, Facebook and several blogs over past one or two years. I never bothered to check for myself as being in 20s was never meant to be magical for me. Only dynamic. Now when I am feeling old thanks to my friends who are already getting babies ( Mom, please note that they are elder to me before smiling!), I thought of checking the same for myself. I would also give credits to the inability of yours truly for not being able to blog due to sudden multiple changes in my life - short termed but still changes. If you do not know, I am a 'routine - lover'!

  • The phone numbers of people you should never have the option to contact again if and when temptation strikes, social media connections with people you feel you have to constantly prove yourself to, and the general presence of those who you’ve simply outgrown. Yes and No. I have done this before. When my old phone was dwindling with various issues I tried to clear the clutter, deleted various memories and de-fragment my mind along with the mobile memory. It is a nice idea to do the same activity again. Though for a person working in operations, deleting contacts can lead to serious consequences. I am ready to try this again, on personal front!
  • The timelines you crafted for yourself in the past. There’s no right time for anything, and what’s most painful is being attached to what’s “supposed-to-be” as opposed to whatever is. I have hardly hit any time line smoothly. In fact my life always took sudden turns. Though some plans were always special and got implemented too! Like my wedding, my new job in a startup etc but then something in my heart says, they were never plans. They were wishes. I have finally understood that, 'There is no right time for anything'! I wont plan, I would just do it. 
  • Speaking ill of people for leisure. Making commodity of someone’s life over drinks or at a party is not only something you shouldn’t have done in high school, but should have left back there if you did. Yes and No. I am not sure if any creature is absolutely 'Bitch free' apart from my Dad in law,Mr.ISB and an Uncle from USA ( They are. To the extend that the virtue can make you feel helpless!). I do not like to speak ill of people, but I am sure it can not be 100% out of me.
  • Waiting for a relationship to save you, because doing so is a dangerously unstable foundation on which you’ll end up building the rest of your life. Done and Dusted. I can only advise friends to never change basic faith and theories for any relationship on this earth. For any damn person including parents, family or even life partners. If you live as per your own thoughts and will, relationships would you make grow stronger. Believe me.
  • The old stuff on your resume, like the service work you did in high school or the club you belonged to for a week your freshman year of college. Nobody cares about it professionally, and probably not personally either. They are there. I am yet to reach thirty but I have conveniently change my last job without the silly resume. A coffee conversation and that's it!
  • Remnants of former loves that you keep around because you’re still holding onto a part of them. You can say they’re sentimental things you’ll want to have in the future, but the reality is that if they only serve to remind you of something that’s missing in your life, you can do without them. NO. A big NO. Nothing from relations which I hate to even remember. Moving on over any damn thing on this earth is possible, albeit with a lot of patience.
  • Feeling as though you are obligated to be the person someone else sees you as. It doesn’t matter if it’s your parents, your former self or someone you love, you can respect all of those authorities and still realize that you are not required to be anybody but who you choose to be in the present moment. I am yet to follow this. I am yet to remove the mask and I do not see myself doing it any soon. I am far from being myself. My USA aunt is someone, I really remove the mask and talk to. Mr.ISB too is  a person, who has seen my original self but otherwise I am not unmasked when I am with friends or any other family member.
  • The need to always have the last word and win every argument. I badly need to get over this. I love to develop thoughts which are best in class and hence, arguments are something which come to me naturally. Some day. 
  • Abusing your body with crash diets, dangerously excessive alcohol consumption, disregard for what nourishment means, etc. It doesn’t prove that you’re cool because you’re “reckless but in control”– it just shows that you aren’t being responsible or realistic about your body or health. I am over it. I abused my body by not working out and by not eating at all in past which led to serious complications. I am over it. I am not really lean or fit to the extent that I praise myself, but I am on my way. I have started it off. I am not really into banning anything from my diet, including food with egg in it. Yeah, not all my family members approve the same but I have my own choices. I am in peace with myself when I eat what my heart wants to indulge into at that particular time. It is a part of my spiritual existence. Believe me.
  • Financial dependency, because there’s a difference between receiving help when you genuinely need it and using someone under the guise of it. Debatable. I am financially independent for my fairly good life style but can not have the pleasure to get all goodies in my plate. For my basic needs, I am independent. 
  • Deciding who you are based on upward and downward comparisons to people, or worse – believing that you are the projection of what you assume other people think of you. I am not sure. I have been in this process of projecting myself as some one really strong, emotionless and a very practical person. Now I believe I am. When I get into sudden emotional turmoil, I try to search my stronger self some where. I do not find her any where. Some two days back, my mentor told me that 'You are too sensitive, which is evident but only a pair of matured eyes can see it'. Well. Forget comparing, unmasking is the key for me.
  • What success means. Not being able to pursue a passion in the same way you support yourself is not a mark of failure. But not being able to incorporate those passions into your life outside of work usually is. Coming to it. I have not given up on my passions. If nothing, I read about them. I never get out of touch. I am not giving up on any of them till my last breathe. They are the part of my existence. 
  • Excessive consumption, and spending as a means of validating self worth. You are not what you have nor are you what you can convince other people you are. I am over the first half. I do not spend unless I really feel like, independent of any influence. I am yet to get over the last part. I still feel the need of convincing people. If I can wash it out from my brain, I might attain Nirvana. 
  • The idea that you’re “above” any kind of work. Entitlement regarding what kind of job you should have is a real thing. In my book, doing whatever it takes to provide for yourself is a success in that it’s a display of one’s resiliency and character. I understand this. I believe in Karma above any one. No work is small. Right from cleaning the washroom to changing your grandmother's diaper. Making food or arranging clothes. Even if you are a guy. I am proud of the fact that my dad taught me the first Karma lesson. He does every thing my mom does. In fact he washes utensils and brushes the floor when and where required. I am happy my brother and my husband ( Both are lazy bums, mind you) believe in the same theory.
  • Being too passive about things that very much matter to you and then getting upset when they go ignored by the people to whom you should have voiced your opinion. I am yet to get over this. Honestly. I try not to be passive about things, just to end up being depressed about things which go unnoticed.
  • Anxiety over the way your body fills out– or doesn’t– as you enter adulthood. Fat is not a thing you are, it’s a thing you have, and having too much or too little does not make you any less capable of the things that genuinely matter. The body is just a vessel. I am not going to get over this, but will make sure it does not intimidate me in a horrible fashion and converts my confidence into low energy crap. In fact the wish closest to my heart is to flaunt leaner body with stamina to move the mountain. 
  • The illusion of control. You can work hard, be devoted, care infinitely, and things could still crumble. Nothing hurts worse than spending your life desperately grasping at having a kind of control that is only viable by delusion. I am a control freak personality but I am the last one to feel that everything is in my control! Yes, it makes it complex. When things go out of control, the kind of anxiety I feel is painful. I need to regulate such feelings growing inside my mind. Any stranger on the road can see my white washed face when I am anxious. Not good at all.
  • The desire to settle because you’d rather not be alone. You will pay for it eventually. I would love to let go this. I am in long distance relationship with Mr.ISB after wedding, since last three months. I have the greed of living with him forever and never say 'Bye' to him. Though, settling down in a particular city may not be my real wish nor would be my destiny I feel.
  • Insulting people’s life choices out of your own resentment and bitterness. People who get married young, or work at jobs that pay well but aren’t fulfilling are easy targets, but are ultimately neither inherently sad nor wrong, though neither is doing the opposite. But the need to insult them is almost always a reflection of yourself (and p.s. I’m guilty of it). I have no idea if I ever did this. Intentionally No. I have slowly realized that my point of view can be 180 degrees opposite to their point of views and I might never win. I might have to adjust to the world. Which is fairly okay if it does not hamper my inner peace.
  • Acting on the idea that any other person is beneath you, especially for what they think, feel or believe. There’s a lot to be said about a person who can discuss an issue with someone who inherently disagrees, and a lot more to be said about a person who can’t.I would love to let this go out of my system. I do not believe in the act of considering some one inferior to me, but I know I become judgmental many a times, even when I do not want to.I would forgive myself for those moments as I know myself, I am going to let go this idea completely over the period of time. I am not into it at all.
If you are still reading this post, thank you! :) I love the combination of writing and introspection.

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