My mobile in the morning suddenly alarmed me, that today is the last day to blog in 2019. It was a Maha-Ride of joy, blues , excitements, recovery and what not. A Tsunami of emotions, I went through- can not go undocumented and hence a couple of months back, looking at my in-activeness on the blog I had put this reminder. ( This can be my last day of 2019 to put down everything happened in this year and believe me I have hardly documented anything!) Let me do the yearly Hisab Kitab!
Somewhere in just around Diwali 2018, we had conceived and we knew 2019 would be a ride however the sheer intensity of the change was not known. I was at the end of first trimester of my pregnancy and the husband was back home after 50 days of business pilgrimage in January 2019. I remember those 20 minutes of two major scans we had in January and discussed about what would we do if the reports showed any abnormality. We were in love with our unborn baby and we kept on talking about how would we love to get a baby girl. Mr.ISB's family has some genetic pattern where generally they tend to produce boys. Specially first born babies (Yes, the first born being a boy is a random thing but having more male children can not be!) Of course elders believe that this 'Blessing' is because of Good Karmas of Mr.ISB's grand mother, however scientifically I would give the award to his grand father who surprisingly has gifted us our two Buas (first two kids were females!) but alas hey... Of course, in my heart I knew that the probability of us getting a baby boy is more!
My pregnancy till March starting was a smooth ride. I was too conscious about my health being a daughter of a mother who had gestational diabetes and BP both with complex postpartum recovery. I kept on checking myself for high BP and every time it turned out to be a false alarm. I had made a joke of myself by giving such alarms and even when every set of parents joked about it, I was still observant. People asked me about pregnancy cravings during this phase- but you know what? I had none. That is a different story that I just hogged on to every possible fruit I can, but over all, NONE. I had no cravings. Little less I knew, I was going towards food aversion but let me tell you the fun part of February and March.
We attended my youngest sister (Cousin's) wedding and it was a mini reunion with my niece and my family living in US. Of course I was pampered royally back home- Ahmedabad, my parents were so excited to have me there and were equally happy waving me bye, at the end of the vacation because just in two months I was coming back to Ahmedabad for my delivery. Aha... After coming back from Ahmedabad, we also went to Karjat for a friend's wedding and enjoyed a LOT. However, on professional front things were not so good. The startup which I was working for as the first and senior most staff member, found out a loop hole in the maternity leave bill 2017 and chose to NOT GIVE me six months of maternity break or even three months. They assume that a female can not work properly for over a year and a half, after having a baby and hence gave me a plan of working part time (Which seldom happens) with reduced salary. Now, any fresher also if looked at my profile then, would realize that a senior VP can not work part time if he/she wants to really contribute something. I was also not of the opinion to quit after delivery by taking whatever pay benefits I would get. Hence, I decided to raise my standards and had a very honest chat about my anyway-a-stagnant-profile, the pay gap between the industry and mine, the contribution and literally no future. Founders being a little selfish and a little like mentors, finally told me to come back if I wish to and accepted my resignation.
So, the month of March was more like a transition period. I managed to train a group of four people to do my work. I attended farewells, gave a Pizza Party to my juniors. I also fought a lot of pregnancy myths as well, like- Not washing hair till delivery, Not climbing even two steps, Not sitting on the floor (surprisingly, I was asked to sit on the floor ten times in two hours for a Pooja at home by the same guest!) I have to give credits to my Kaka and Kaki who tried their best to sort me out emotionally and practically. Due credits to my husband and my SIL for making sure that an old and a constant family issue concerning my second most favorite member of the family- was managed by them without involving me.
April was tiring. I was seven months pregnant and had started hating food. My weight was not increasing at the rate it should be, however I was asked to just maintain the diet. I kept myself (or I was pushed to) busy in managing planning for my baby shower. The scale of the Pooja and Party had increased from 30 people to 80 people in ten days and we, as a couple at the end of the day had decided to NEVER EVER do any function in next 10 years. I remember, it was on 14th April- my parents and their siblings had come to attend the function, so we had to manage their meals and stay. We had 68 local guests whom we had to shift from home to the hall- Pooja to Party. I do not like baby shower games and was not even in the mood but public opinion won. The function had started at 7 am and I could step in my room back to rest at 5 pm. I am not kidding. From 2 pm to 5 pm, we kept on waiting for the murhut to be good. I was left with a lot of joy in my heart but drained physically. I do not think, a seven months pregnant lady needs to go through this. Even when Aunties involved in planning had good intentions, it was for the baby and not for the mother- Yes, even six months postpartum- with sanity I am throwing this statement. Everything done in pregnancy to keep the lady happy, is for the baby. That was the day, the baby shower when I had hit the first pre-postpartum blue. I had seen the postpartum depression coming in but little less I knew that my next six months are going to be full of irrational hormones, accidents, shocks and surprises.
It was 19th April, the day I had reached Ahmedabad with a lot of dreams to spend quality time with my mom and dad - my mother broke her bone just below the knee. She had to go for a small surgery and mentally we both were so vulnerable. From that day till she started walking (after five months in total) properly, I have cried every night. It was my destiny but seeing my mother in tears, not because of pain but because of her broken dreams of pampering me- made me emotional. However, in hindsight my situation kept on improving after one month of surgery. My father wore the hat of the mother and my mother was my father. Both were both. It was always like that but I can not describe how they changed themselves for my sake. My younger brother did everything I wanted (IMAGINE!) him to do. Numbers of mails were exchanged between me and my Kaka Kaki. My husband, I can never thank him enough for being there with me, not giving me sympathy but showing me a road to sanity. I could not have done anything without this group of people.
Entire month of May was spent being with my mom and crying. Being forced to eat and crying. Hugging my mom dad and crying. Painting a bit and crying. Fighting with my husband and my brother and crying. Parents pushing me to go for dinner dates when husband was around and crying. Laughing like a maniac with my maternal family ( I could not have passed my days of my delivery without them) and crying.
I did not know then that June would be even harder. I used to think once the delivery is over, I am going to be free, My mom will not worry about me and I would just fly high. Oh, things happened in the exact opposite way but we also got the biggest gift of our lives- we delivered our little bundle of joy - A Baby Boy. Oh, we both who craved for a baby girl- were immediately in love with our Hairy Pink Munchkin. Needless to say, the rest of the June is a blur. It is unfortunate that in India, prenatal classes are not a trend, lactation consultancy is not known and these are the reasons postpartum depressions amplify. If you want me to say things on how to improve this system, come home. Really. India is no where when it comes to giving support to a soon to be a mother or a new mother, in the way it should be.
In July, August and September , I tried documenting about Abby- Our Baby and myself! We also did a small naming ceremony in Ahmedbad and did I mention, my mom had almost started walking by then! I also could flaunt the best and the most beautiful earrings my Kaka and Kaki had sent. I tried documenting these small postpartum blue-less happy moments here. I do not really want to put more sadness on this blog about my postpartum blues, because I was told by a doctor that this time shall pass and if I am going to put more pressure on myself by thinking about it- even Abby would suffer. I try to follow his advice even now. In few words, All I could think of myself was nothing but but a struggling to breast feed mom, surrounded by nappies and bottles and her own tears. However the start of the September clouds of sadness moved away and I was shifting back to Mumbai Home, with our baby. I was excited to be with my husband after five months but I was also nervous getting into a territory where I will have to wear a mask of a good Daughter In Law. Needless to say, on going family issue was at the all time peak and I was helpless by then to make any change. But I shifted, moved on from the Blues ah, just to fight a series of BOTTLE REFUSAL by my Abby!
I could not blog at all after End of October to November. Abby went through a couple of bottle refusal phases and it was me who took the brunt of it. Mother's guilt and A DIL's mask. However, I must note that Abby's pediatrician just asked me to be patient and said, 'He just wants breasts!' - No kidding, the Doctor couple is Parsi and they dont steal words! Abby was putting on weight properly, hence it was only me who was into my 'Worrier' Mode. After a bout of coughing in Diwali and a couple of cheerful days I spent with my parents- things had started moving on. and How? I had landed up a job! With a good hike and an approval to Join from Jan 2020. I guess that career conscious- I deserve more- Girl in me helped me to come out and enjoy Abby more! I also managed Abby- Our Jumping Jack on my own, on my way to Ahmedabad where I went for nine days so that I can enjoy a few days with my now-able-to-even-run Momma, over enthusiastic Papa and Brother, before I hit the working Mom status.
December was BIG. We took our first trip as a family to Ganpatiphule and I enjoyed every second of it. Abby is a joy and believe me, following little basics of sleep training has done wonders to him. His naps are hardly 20 minutes long in day time but he sleeps on his own at 9.30 pm most of the days and did I mention, he has self weaned off his rocker for sleeping and also mid night feeding? Of course, he must be a non fussy hyper active baby, but I have no shame in stating that I have worked really hard in putting him in some routine. December is also a month when I took an afternoon off, encouraged by our Nanny and MIL - Went for shopping. Just in time because, yours truly has put on some weight and fits awkwardly in ethnic clothes. May I declare, I loved every minute of it without mom's guilt and also flaunted my groomed self in a wedding after ages?
In December we also connected to day cares and relatives, friends who have gone through the decisive phase about how to take care of their babies when the mother goes to office. Unfortunately, for a few months or till he is ONE we would be dependent on our Nanny. She seems like a very caring person and not to forget Abby loves her too. I am relieved for a while, or till we hit the bottlenecks like my MIL not being there, Nanny on leave etc. However, the biggest benefit of having a nanny at home is that I would be able to commit properly to my new profile till I settle down at work. Also, she is a great help to my MIL which relaxes me a bit more. I also should mention that Our Kaka and Kaki are coming to India in February and now only 35 days are left to see them!
Yay!
Somewhere in just around Diwali 2018, we had conceived and we knew 2019 would be a ride however the sheer intensity of the change was not known. I was at the end of first trimester of my pregnancy and the husband was back home after 50 days of business pilgrimage in January 2019. I remember those 20 minutes of two major scans we had in January and discussed about what would we do if the reports showed any abnormality. We were in love with our unborn baby and we kept on talking about how would we love to get a baby girl. Mr.ISB's family has some genetic pattern where generally they tend to produce boys. Specially first born babies (Yes, the first born being a boy is a random thing but having more male children can not be!) Of course elders believe that this 'Blessing' is because of Good Karmas of Mr.ISB's grand mother, however scientifically I would give the award to his grand father who surprisingly has gifted us our two Buas (first two kids were females!) but alas hey... Of course, in my heart I knew that the probability of us getting a baby boy is more!
My pregnancy till March starting was a smooth ride. I was too conscious about my health being a daughter of a mother who had gestational diabetes and BP both with complex postpartum recovery. I kept on checking myself for high BP and every time it turned out to be a false alarm. I had made a joke of myself by giving such alarms and even when every set of parents joked about it, I was still observant. People asked me about pregnancy cravings during this phase- but you know what? I had none. That is a different story that I just hogged on to every possible fruit I can, but over all, NONE. I had no cravings. Little less I knew, I was going towards food aversion but let me tell you the fun part of February and March.
We attended my youngest sister (Cousin's) wedding and it was a mini reunion with my niece and my family living in US. Of course I was pampered royally back home- Ahmedabad, my parents were so excited to have me there and were equally happy waving me bye, at the end of the vacation because just in two months I was coming back to Ahmedabad for my delivery. Aha... After coming back from Ahmedabad, we also went to Karjat for a friend's wedding and enjoyed a LOT. However, on professional front things were not so good. The startup which I was working for as the first and senior most staff member, found out a loop hole in the maternity leave bill 2017 and chose to NOT GIVE me six months of maternity break or even three months. They assume that a female can not work properly for over a year and a half, after having a baby and hence gave me a plan of working part time (Which seldom happens) with reduced salary. Now, any fresher also if looked at my profile then, would realize that a senior VP can not work part time if he/she wants to really contribute something. I was also not of the opinion to quit after delivery by taking whatever pay benefits I would get. Hence, I decided to raise my standards and had a very honest chat about my anyway-a-stagnant-profile, the pay gap between the industry and mine, the contribution and literally no future. Founders being a little selfish and a little like mentors, finally told me to come back if I wish to and accepted my resignation.
So, the month of March was more like a transition period. I managed to train a group of four people to do my work. I attended farewells, gave a Pizza Party to my juniors. I also fought a lot of pregnancy myths as well, like- Not washing hair till delivery, Not climbing even two steps, Not sitting on the floor (surprisingly, I was asked to sit on the floor ten times in two hours for a Pooja at home by the same guest!) I have to give credits to my Kaka and Kaki who tried their best to sort me out emotionally and practically. Due credits to my husband and my SIL for making sure that an old and a constant family issue concerning my second most favorite member of the family- was managed by them without involving me.
April was tiring. I was seven months pregnant and had started hating food. My weight was not increasing at the rate it should be, however I was asked to just maintain the diet. I kept myself (or I was pushed to) busy in managing planning for my baby shower. The scale of the Pooja and Party had increased from 30 people to 80 people in ten days and we, as a couple at the end of the day had decided to NEVER EVER do any function in next 10 years. I remember, it was on 14th April- my parents and their siblings had come to attend the function, so we had to manage their meals and stay. We had 68 local guests whom we had to shift from home to the hall- Pooja to Party. I do not like baby shower games and was not even in the mood but public opinion won. The function had started at 7 am and I could step in my room back to rest at 5 pm. I am not kidding. From 2 pm to 5 pm, we kept on waiting for the murhut to be good. I was left with a lot of joy in my heart but drained physically. I do not think, a seven months pregnant lady needs to go through this. Even when Aunties involved in planning had good intentions, it was for the baby and not for the mother- Yes, even six months postpartum- with sanity I am throwing this statement. Everything done in pregnancy to keep the lady happy, is for the baby. That was the day, the baby shower when I had hit the first pre-postpartum blue. I had seen the postpartum depression coming in but little less I knew that my next six months are going to be full of irrational hormones, accidents, shocks and surprises.
It was 19th April, the day I had reached Ahmedabad with a lot of dreams to spend quality time with my mom and dad - my mother broke her bone just below the knee. She had to go for a small surgery and mentally we both were so vulnerable. From that day till she started walking (after five months in total) properly, I have cried every night. It was my destiny but seeing my mother in tears, not because of pain but because of her broken dreams of pampering me- made me emotional. However, in hindsight my situation kept on improving after one month of surgery. My father wore the hat of the mother and my mother was my father. Both were both. It was always like that but I can not describe how they changed themselves for my sake. My younger brother did everything I wanted (IMAGINE!) him to do. Numbers of mails were exchanged between me and my Kaka Kaki. My husband, I can never thank him enough for being there with me, not giving me sympathy but showing me a road to sanity. I could not have done anything without this group of people.
Entire month of May was spent being with my mom and crying. Being forced to eat and crying. Hugging my mom dad and crying. Painting a bit and crying. Fighting with my husband and my brother and crying. Parents pushing me to go for dinner dates when husband was around and crying. Laughing like a maniac with my maternal family ( I could not have passed my days of my delivery without them) and crying.
I did not know then that June would be even harder. I used to think once the delivery is over, I am going to be free, My mom will not worry about me and I would just fly high. Oh, things happened in the exact opposite way but we also got the biggest gift of our lives- we delivered our little bundle of joy - A Baby Boy. Oh, we both who craved for a baby girl- were immediately in love with our Hairy Pink Munchkin. Needless to say, the rest of the June is a blur. It is unfortunate that in India, prenatal classes are not a trend, lactation consultancy is not known and these are the reasons postpartum depressions amplify. If you want me to say things on how to improve this system, come home. Really. India is no where when it comes to giving support to a soon to be a mother or a new mother, in the way it should be.
In July, August and September , I tried documenting about Abby- Our Baby and myself! We also did a small naming ceremony in Ahmedbad and did I mention, my mom had almost started walking by then! I also could flaunt the best and the most beautiful earrings my Kaka and Kaki had sent. I tried documenting these small postpartum blue-less happy moments here. I do not really want to put more sadness on this blog about my postpartum blues, because I was told by a doctor that this time shall pass and if I am going to put more pressure on myself by thinking about it- even Abby would suffer. I try to follow his advice even now. In few words, All I could think of myself was nothing but but a struggling to breast feed mom, surrounded by nappies and bottles and her own tears. However the start of the September clouds of sadness moved away and I was shifting back to Mumbai Home, with our baby. I was excited to be with my husband after five months but I was also nervous getting into a territory where I will have to wear a mask of a good Daughter In Law. Needless to say, on going family issue was at the all time peak and I was helpless by then to make any change. But I shifted, moved on from the Blues ah, just to fight a series of BOTTLE REFUSAL by my Abby!
I could not blog at all after End of October to November. Abby went through a couple of bottle refusal phases and it was me who took the brunt of it. Mother's guilt and A DIL's mask. However, I must note that Abby's pediatrician just asked me to be patient and said, 'He just wants breasts!' - No kidding, the Doctor couple is Parsi and they dont steal words! Abby was putting on weight properly, hence it was only me who was into my 'Worrier' Mode. After a bout of coughing in Diwali and a couple of cheerful days I spent with my parents- things had started moving on. and How? I had landed up a job! With a good hike and an approval to Join from Jan 2020. I guess that career conscious- I deserve more- Girl in me helped me to come out and enjoy Abby more! I also managed Abby- Our Jumping Jack on my own, on my way to Ahmedabad where I went for nine days so that I can enjoy a few days with my now-able-to-even-run Momma, over enthusiastic Papa and Brother, before I hit the working Mom status.
December was BIG. We took our first trip as a family to Ganpatiphule and I enjoyed every second of it. Abby is a joy and believe me, following little basics of sleep training has done wonders to him. His naps are hardly 20 minutes long in day time but he sleeps on his own at 9.30 pm most of the days and did I mention, he has self weaned off his rocker for sleeping and also mid night feeding? Of course, he must be a non fussy hyper active baby, but I have no shame in stating that I have worked really hard in putting him in some routine. December is also a month when I took an afternoon off, encouraged by our Nanny and MIL - Went for shopping. Just in time because, yours truly has put on some weight and fits awkwardly in ethnic clothes. May I declare, I loved every minute of it without mom's guilt and also flaunted my groomed self in a wedding after ages?
In December we also connected to day cares and relatives, friends who have gone through the decisive phase about how to take care of their babies when the mother goes to office. Unfortunately, for a few months or till he is ONE we would be dependent on our Nanny. She seems like a very caring person and not to forget Abby loves her too. I am relieved for a while, or till we hit the bottlenecks like my MIL not being there, Nanny on leave etc. However, the biggest benefit of having a nanny at home is that I would be able to commit properly to my new profile till I settle down at work. Also, she is a great help to my MIL which relaxes me a bit more. I also should mention that Our Kaka and Kaki are coming to India in February and now only 35 days are left to see them!
Yay!
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