She can make me cry too!

She and her mom with me were walking towards the bus stand. We had told her several times that 'Masi' needs to take a bus so she has to walk quickly. The little kiddo wanted to explore everything coming her way. May be she did not listen to us.

So we were constantly chatting. Even now when I am typing this, I am still not done with packing and I have a flight tomorrow. I am still not digesting the fact that I might not come back here. Of course I hate to say Good byes so, talks were more on my future.

The bus came and her mom gave me a hug and I suddenly wanted to say 'bye' to the kiddo. She was one of the motivation for me to stay here. How a toddler can love you is something she has taught me. Her giggling and games with me, makes me forget all my pain. Here she was in a state of shock seeing me waving bye. I looked at her mom, in fact I could not. I was entering the bus and I had realized I am going away.

The face my little kiddo made is still inside my mind. I am sure she would have forgotten the whole 'Masi is going' thing in a minute, I hope so, but I am still stuck at the moment.

I want to again play with her, hug her, make her drink water from my bottle- dhakkan fill water-style for some other billion times. I want to read books to her while she happily sits in my lap. I want to run with her on the beach and talk talk talk talk.

I never knew going away from a  little toddler will make me upset to this level. Never.

Billions of events and one elated soul

So my finale written exams are over. Hopefully they are last exams of its kind in my life, I am happy for it. Though it ended with many challenges in coming in for next one year. Be it my personal life or my professional life. So many things in my brain and heart, so apt, the title is 'Billions of events and one elated soul'!

Each of my line in this post might call for a separate post, but today I am just in a mood to state them and not explaining them.Be sure I am going to come with a new post everyday once I have my new laptop in my lap!

The biggest decision is moving- back to India. I am graduating in August and so I am hunting for a my kind of a job in India, hopefully there are better chances over there than in Singapore. The India as my finale location, was not a decision taken thinking too much. It was decided before I came here in Singapore. Just that people kept on laughing on me and they still do. My social life, emotions and self respect is much more important than struggle to get a job in Singapore , then to fight for a work permit and live a lonely life here for those thirty thousand INR more each month. Yeah Singapore has almost halved the recruitment of foreigners on e-pass. As they say now, 'Singapore is for Singaporeans'!

A break is what I need. A break from text books and a break from the current atmospheric conditions.  Check list of my  education is over and now the wishlist of my life is what I am preparing. Learning calligraphy, pottery, making a portfolio or even say, roaming around places and clicking photos. Lots to do and I know this time will never ever come back. Better I take the so called break and give my life the acceleration.

What I want to do in my life.? A lot of things. Professionally and personally. Undefined and some defined goals. Calls for a bigger post. A spark of doing something unique and non traditional yet routed to culture is not going to be easy, right?

Relations. A roller coaster life. I am 25 and that is making things really messy. My mother has a big list of her-dreams-about-me and I have a bigger list on please-let-me-live-my-life. She is right at her place, I am rebellious on my place. A bond of friendship is turning into a James Bond movie brand fighting. She is dreaming of a handsome, smart, educated, gulp, a guy from my caste and I am, well not dreaming about anything.My dad is trying to balance.

And last but may be the first. Getting a laptop which I can throw away in two years. Yeah that's the life they can enjoy when with me.

Putting things together.

Life has become  a game of puzzles. You have a bigger picture, you have a dream but there are some pieces of results-emotions not attached to each other. You have to connect those corners-sharp and not so sharp with each other, you have to pick the perfect piece and make your dream come true. That is what my life is , as of now.

There are many things to update. With my broken and semi functional laptop,exams-irritations around the corner it is becoming really difficult to blog even when I open the screen to type things out. There are some trillions of emotions fighting with each other in my mind and with my own people around me sometimes I feel alone- not because no body is supporting me, may be physical distance is taking its toll. Thinking about an India trip very soon. I am done with Singapore- that is one of the biggest emotions taking shape in my heart.

Just a few hours before an exam which is more of a story telling and a day before the most difficult and hopefully the last so out of the window subject of my academic life , I am blogging things out, yeah just like blabbering emotions out. As I know the morning dullness which was generally a spark before, will just disappear with a new post on the blog.

Things are complex and I am leaving to time as of now. I don't have energy to fight, cry or crib as of now.

Things will iron out themselves- as it was put by a friend of mine. Amen.

One pair of eyes!

Sometimes I wonder why did God give me only two eyes?! He actually obeyed the rule of standardization (How can I engineer such a sentence!) by giving those two dont-know-which-shaped-eyes but then like all designers he made mistakes. He gave me too many dreams,which are gushing out of my soul now,through the same pair of eyes. It always did but right now they are not under my control.

Dreams are  mischievous also, they change their shapes and sizes, they make me think a lot and they just refuse to let practical approaches come my way.Imagine two kids fighting- Dreams and Logic. One in eyes rooted to heart, one is in mind rooted deep inside my brain cells.

Sometimes I just open the 'Ever note' and let my hands type & when I type my mind doesn't use even 10% of its power. In fact I have a manufacturing defect, while writing my hands are controlled directly by my heart. Now you know why there are trillions of typos and billions of errors. You want to know what am I going to write? It is already embedded in my eyes! The real residence of culprits.

A dream just tried to jump out of my eyes, the dream about not doing any job and doing something on my own. One dream tried pushing it, it was about making a difference for my country. Before I could control other hundred dreams came and started fighting. I cant control them!

I told you, God made a blissful or a painful mistake, by giving me only one pair of eyes!

Facts- Sudden realizations!

1. Miracles happen in every one's life. Just that you have to be with good people and you have to be good to them. You don't have to give up on life for the miracle to arrive.

2. When you give up on 'expectations' from life, life gives you a glass of nectar. You are shocked.

3. Your dad comes to Singapore, Gives you surprises and birthday gifts which includes Mangoes from India. Your friends enjoy a lot on the awesome dinner with your dad. You just observe things and you sleep peacefully for the very first time in Singapore.

4. You get a call from some people who can shape your life, your future. Not the employers.Your own people and suddenly you feel you have a shoulder to cry on and a life to crave for.

5.Your exams are approaching and you realize you are now experiencing last ever exams of your life. Yeah for the end of college life, you are happy. Unlike other students!

6.Your best friends bug you a lot and you still smile while yelling. They tell you some super intelligent stuffs - Like why I should be more independent and how I should spend time in cultivating my hobbies. Friends with matured minds!

7.You have a bunch of crazy flatmates who play with you in a kid's garden. You are blessed.

8. You have a room mate who knows you and never gets shocked by your behavior. May be I am becoming predictable!

9. You cut mangoes and eat with your friends- hostel mates. You experience the heaven.

10. You have so many happening events in life that your mind blocks 'blogging ability mode' and starts numbering sudden realizations called facts!

Syllabus of the year 2013!

As I am back to teen age, I decided to define a syllabus of the school called 'Life'! In a real picture, I am going to experience some hundred changes in my day to day life, be it a professional front or the personal front. Adjustments and emotions are the main key factors.Here are my lessons!

Lesson 1: Patience, which is measured on negative scales as of now for yours truly. Patience comes with the control over mind, heart. It comes with  the trust in myself, my own people. I need to learn patience. Not every body is going to bother about my being impatient, those who will , are my own people. For their happiness and for my happiness, Bubblegum shall learn to create patience!

Lesson 2: Emotions in control. I have been blessed with a holy vessel of emotions called heart. It keeps on over flowing on each possible emotional situations. Joys, sorrows, pain and enjoyment. I need to balance them. If I have the aura of making people smile, I also have this pathetic side of spreading dullness. I need to be a responsible citizen and spread sunshine!

Lesson 3: Anger. Yeah I look quite cool but I am not. Some friends say anger sleeps on my nose (Yeah gussa nak pe sota hai!!!) Some friends say, I need a mole to make a mountain of fire! The cliche is, the speed is constant when it comes to loosing my mind and cooling it off. The sudden rush of fire burns many minds and hearts. Hurting people is not my business and so I am going to improve on this front.

Lesson 123 is the way of life in 2013 for me now! May the super power give me the courage to learn and gain expertise!

Yeah now all those friends smirking and closing the tab of the blog- Help me! :P

Welcoming Twentee(n) Six!

Yeah I am welcoming my new teens! When I am finishing twenty fifth year of my life and spending  9125 days  according to my two adjacent roommates, I feel like I am entering new teens! There are reasons for that.

Yours truly has become more rebellious in thoughts. Rather in good language, I have grown up to an extent and I am little more matured. I take up decisions and feel responsible for the same. At the same time, I have become rigid in my ethics and which makes me behave like a teen age girl even though my teen age was not much of a problem for my parents. Mostly!

I want to do everything in life. A good job to trips to awesome places in the world. I want to do bungee jumping and Himalaya treks. I want to dance like no one is watching and I want to scream- shout just like those crazy people in very old fashioned cinema halls. Kind of a teen age syndrome?

The 'me' inside has become choosy - grumpy when it comes to mixing with people whom I don't like. I avoid talking much and have fairly showed the attitude ' I am not interested in you' pretty well. Though my friends have doubt over this part.

Just like any teenage girl I have started taking time in grooming myself. Yeah in my previous (or the real) teen age I had missed this part. What do you expect from a tom boyish girl in the class of guys of Mechanical Engineering? Well this time, I am  crazy over accessories  , clothes and grooming services! Come on, very soon I am going to earn again once I finish my studies.

The 'remain tip top' phenomena as we say in Mumbaiya language is being  complemented with pimples on my face. Yeah, teen age pimples have been growing on my face (pretty) lately. I have to accept that!

You know what? All these reasons even when kill me everyday emotionally, they are fun. Fun like those teenagers?! Even when they are a big question marks to themselves due to confusions and hormonal imbalances! I think I have got my teens back!

So, I, me, Myself, Miss Bubblegum welcome the second and new teen age of my life.

The Twentee-n six'th year!!

"Happy Birthday to the new teen!"

PS: All sad thoughts about suffering from quarter life crisis has been put aside for a while, as I see more fun in my current age! The post is going to contain some more awesome errors than other posts as this has been written in a total moody state of mind!