N for Nail-Paints or Nightmares

This word, 'Nail Paint' from the cosmetic words when comes out of me, for discussion, sends shock waves to the outer world. Let me explain.

I have been brought up by a father who believed that that nail paints are hazardous to health if they end up in your stomach while eating (due to it getting peeled off) hence, if you apply it on right hand and he sees it - you would get a threatening stare. My mom does not use any cosmetics/ does not know how to use, hence their marriage did not get affected by it. (I mean, imagine my dad having a cosmetic lover wife!)

Now their first born who happens to be yours truly, also got more or less father-like gene (my mother's beliefs, not mine!) when it comes to cosmetics. In my entire childhood, I do not remember I would have applied nail paints or lipsticks for more than two times. And my childhood I mean first 18 years! Lack of interest, Lack of exposure to cosmetics or blind trust in the family which is 70% made of doctors.

Once I was out of my hometown for the first ever job at the age of 23, my mother secretly wished that somebody would come in my life and inspire me to use cosmetics or would teach me to keep myself 'groomed'. Eventually, I tried Kajals, Lipsticks and for a couple of times- even a highlighter but then I hit my 28th year and wisdom arrived that I can not handle these stuff beyond a limit and should stick to lipsticks to look dressed up. I also was okay with being imperfect.I also realized that applying make up is not going to be my forte ever. And so, in a function where I was in the lime light apart from another soul last week, this is what happened...

Cousin S : " You are not applying Henna, Make up- you demand is non existent, Please apply Nail Paint"

Yours truly: "Oh no, please. I don't want to eat the paint!"

My Mother-in-law *anyway displeased with this Gold-hater, Makeup-hater, Over-Simple-For-Mumbai-Standards attitude of mine* : "Apply it, Remove it the next day and eat with spoons!"

I, succumbing to the cornering done- chose the lightest natural nail paint color to apply...

***

After the function was over, while collapsing on the bed with fatigue, I dozed off for some fifteen minutes...

Suddenly when I opened my eyes and looked at my nails!! I freaked out!!

I thought my hands were replaced. They looked like hands of a witch. I almost screamed! Obviously I realized,

It was A NIGHTMARE!!

Nail paints can cause Nightmares!! Please note.

M for Meet & Greet

I have sort of, forced myself to make something up from 'M',which resembles social gathering. (No, I am not keen to meet every one who are a part of my world!)

I am a fan of conversation over food. If it is a house party, I might be in a flow. Now, most of the friends who are reading this would roll their eyes because I have not thrown any such house parties which I claim to be in love with. Believe me, it is like Mirabai fancy-ing a date with Krishna. Virtual but not happening till the Happily-Ever-After-End.

However, my love for Gupshup over Chai or Dinner is everything. I am not sure from where I have picked this love, but I suspect it is my M Fai. I have fancied being her for a long time now. The way she carries her self, does not give up, the way she manages her career, the way she shops for brass vintage stuff for her garden and show case, wears sarees with utmost grace and ooof, Silver Jewelry. She is a collector! (Not a hoarder!) She has been inviting us over her place for decades now and while we do the same- her style is something very unique I feel. Apart from her, I have my US Kaka and Kaki doing it for a while, I do envy their guests because I am yet to visit them in US.

I know, this dream of even starting to arrange small meets at my place is not going to be a reality for some months or may be years, I really want to tell you all- How the Meet & Greet parties would be at my home!

- Crockery. I so want to buy crockery with stories. Stories of art, painting or even the place I would pick the set from. And those sets wont be residing in the cupboard forever, because, I hate them when they are never used and are show-cased in the glass cupboard for years without being used. I would make sure my guests feel my love for crockery when I would serve food and drinks in them.

- Rugs and Table Runners. Table Mats and Napkins. I can not really buy any of them at this point of time as no one appreciates the extra oomph they add to the decor.

- Food and Drink. I love cooking or I should say, I used to. I remember hosting a friend in Pune and how much I had enjoyed making Indian dishes as per his choice- Palak Paneer, Lachcha Paratha and Gajar Ka Halwa. There were not many dishes but every one hogged on till we hit the bottom of the pan. I would some day serve my guests Ravioli and Stir fry cooked by yours truly, along with some wine. And if I can make some mean dessert, wow!

-Plants in Big Planters. Bang inside the hall. Believe me, they would be partying with us as well. I can not imagine my life without plants. ( I am not kidding, my heart sank and I cried so much when I had to throw away some plants and Mitti garden decor a week back, in preparation for going to Ahmedabad. It was depressing) I am happy that in Ahmedabad, I will be actively participating in keeping greens alive in summers with my dad. How do kids grow without plants around in big cities? No idea!

- Sarees and Pearls: Oh yes, I love the strings of pearls I have and I have a dream that I flaunt them in parties hosted by us. If I can flaunt sarees with them- oh that would be a dream come true. More than that, may be.

And let me give you who all I want to host in these Meet & Greets I am planning so passionately. My fai (needless to say), Mr.ISB's ISB friends and school buddies, My soon to be ex-directors, my best of best friends who are hardly in the city together and of course, Kaka Kaki from US.

Tall Order?

L for Loner

I know some amazing people who are loners. These are the people who are kind at heart, understanding and composed but they like to be with themselves more than being with people all the time. I never understood them before, now when I have completed my 30th year in life- I don't only understand them but respect them for what they are.

Mind well, a loner is not a rude person most of the times, but an introvert person or someone who is selective in making friends or someone who likes solitude more than social life. Hence, when I met this man who was/is otherwise a loner but had become my best friend- I had decided to marry him and married him too - Mr.ISB, who is a monk, almost Shiv as my mother calls him, an excellent husband when we don't fight. I did not respect him so much which I do now. (Major part of the respect comes from the fact that he manages me well, the one who is so strong on ethics and gender neutrality but equally messed up in standing up for myself)

Yesterday, while having a peaceful dinner amidst all the hormones in my body creating havoc, I suddenly remembered a Whatsapp conversation I had with his friend in the morning. Another crazy who is more introvert than me, but as sorted as Mr.ISB and his very good friend!- Lets call him Friend A.

***

Friend A: Yo, Happy Birthday!!

Bubblegum: Thank you!! I was about to remind you that it is my birthday! Hahaha.

Friend A: Hahahaha. What is the plan after a big social function you had yesterday?

Bubblegum: Plan is to avoid social life for a while. There is no other plan. Mr.ISB can get detached from things being a loner I respect! I need sometime to recover from the overwhelming social situation we had.

Friend A: Let me tell you, we all aim to be like Mr.ISB in some or the other way. He has many virtues which can bring peace to us if we can have them!

Bubblegum: Can not agree more but for people like me and you it is a very very difficult goal to achieve.

Friend A: Agreed!!!

***

This conversation is carved in my mind.
My goal is to be a loner like Mr.ISB who can stand up to be in solitude without any fuss! 
And it is not only me who thinks so.

K for Knotty Feelings

Oh yes, it is word play. Pun for you, no Fun for me! Hah.

Knotty Feelings
Entangled thoughts
Caged Life..

Life was throwing lemons before
I kept on catching them
Eyes felt High Tide..

Eyes wearing a mask
So has the face, Nobody knows
How much I Cried

Here is to the changing life
Rekindled Spirit
Will it happen? Might!

Counting my blessings
Piled up baggage
I'm sure it is a positive Sign.

J for Jimmy Choo

Oh no, let me start before you assume that I am a big fan of the brand.

April is my birthday month. This year in addition to this, we have a function - a move and many other changes coming in. So, to make it cheerful for me- Mr.ISB decided to gift me something really expensive. A frugal soul like me, can not select anything for myself in such a range, but I tried and I am still trying.

Last night, I was doing the Bag hunting online, got a good deal and I told him,
"See, you can gift me this bag (trying to get his attention.. ) but it is expensive."

He has razor sharp focus so, he did not bother to change the direction of his sight. He infact said..
"How much? I would only look at if it is Jimmy Choo!" Knowing the frugal wife he has..

I swear, I cracked up at the moment. I said,
"Jimmy Choo? What? They dont make bags! They make shoes!"

He shrugged his shoulder with a ready answer,
"Mujhe Kya Pata!"

Today,

I was browsing through, to kill time as I had to wait to start a call in the office...

I just randomly searched 'Jimmy Choo Bags'....

...And I found this...




:O

Yes, Jimmy Choo makes bags! ...

"Mujhe Kya Pata!!"

I for I

No, I was not running out of ideas to write on this letter 'I'. However, lately this 30 years old little stupid lady has realized the value of 'I'.

What 'I' want in life,  How 'I' want to take my work forward? How 'I' want to manage my life. Believe me, when you go through a mountain of changes in physiological , psychological and cultural shifts within and around,... and you forget what about the very special 'I'- you are bound to go through hell. I went through a type of metamorphosis too and I believe, it is still going on.

I have realized, to keep my sanity in check- first I need to know what I want. Then I have to decide if my conscious is right. I have to train myself to stand up to what I believe in- what I want and fight for it using various tactics. Sometimes, it is okay to let go but too much of it would end up creating pressure on you to be a good person. The problem is not in being a good person, the problem is that, 'Good' and 'Bad' are perspectives.

I wanted to take this chance, to clearly write down basics.

I want a life where I can follow my faith and beliefs. While I do not want to upset any elderly person in my life- I also do not want to waste twenty years of my life, following someone else's faith.

I want to fly high in my career for various reasons, however I can see some bottlenecks for a few years. Do I want to succumb to them? No.

I want to really spend two vacations in a year with Mr.ISB.  Under current scene, work and home fronts - both are challenging. It is not going to be easy too. Lets see!

I do not want to argue with any one, unless I see that there is even a tiny bit of chance in the other side to change. I am so done with it. However, I would stick to my guns with stronger words and plans when I am in a better position to go through the drill.

I do not want to work to entertain myself. Not that I did ever, however my ambition are clearer and higher than ever. God Bless others!

I want to develop my sense of style, which is simple. I do not want to EVER succumb to the pressure of how others perceive what 'Style' is. I wish I can always tell this to myself.

I am going to stay away from problems of people who are eternally confused and change their decisions every now and then. While it does not mean that I am going to stop being social or helpful, I do not want to go deep. I have burnt my fingers already.

I want to take care of my health.

I want to take care of Mr.ISB's health. (Somebody is rolling his eyes!)

I want to spend good time with my parent and witness my brother's career taking shape.

I want to, for once, live life ignoring everything else which is not what 'I' want. Without being stressed about what 'Other' are thinking about me.

H for Habit

Habits are my favorite tools to bring discipline in my life (And ah, others' too!)

I have been reading a lot about how to form a habit, the principles of 21 days etc however, I wont say any trick was ever 100% successful. (and I got bored to explore more!)  I do believe that 'The Power of Habit' has the best method to form a habit. But, this post is not on forming habits.

This is about that one process you follow in the office as a part of your work to do analysis and you get so so habitual of the process that any other process fails to get through your mind. Your mind refuses to pluck data points and process. (Ah, nerdy I know!)

Let me explain, what exactly I tried writing in the above statement.

I analyse data related to my field. A lot of data. Hence, Excel is one of the skill set which I happened to master or so I believe, in last some years of my professional life. (Oh, Do not start Data Science debate. Our startup is yet to get into the field and the scale of data we should have for it)

In Excel, there are certain features I just happen to use like brushing my teeth. In a very subconscious way... Sanitize data, put filters, see patterns, insert pivot tables, try to decipher patterns and counts using suitable formats. Bamm, I got what you wanted. My mind registers the data points and now, I can decide the area of action.

This procedure is the most basic one and now after so many years of using this on daily basis- my mind now refuses to register anything, in any other format.

... And this realization happened today.

While making a to-do list on a piece of paper for the upcoming function at home we are hosting, I realized my mind is going numb. I opened the excel. Started typing down. I inserted a pivot table which gave me a picture on who has to do what and by which date. My mind digested everything and I was at peace.

Here is the screen shot of what I did. (Albeit, to protect our prestige I have hide some parts of it.)

I know, for a normal person it looks ugly and weird. However, this is the habit I have picked up to organize my life.

Subconsciously!

I am not complaining!